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coleco
358 M Embraced 3
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts60 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes39 Current upvotes39 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceAugust 8, 2022
Recent forum posts
Isolation
Relationship Stress / by coleco
Last post
 September 26th, 2022
...See more Just when I feel at peace with a certain aspects or concepts with my separation and divorce it ends up hitting me all over again. Isolation is terrible and now really isnt really the appropriate time to try to make friends. Don't really have those skills yet but talking to people has become easier but I keep running into desperate feelings of lonliness and endless scrolling of my phone for human interaction that doesnt exist. I keep making posts like this to ease the pain a little I suppose. Life is so vastly different and it seems so horrific most of the time. I didn't know exactly how much I leaned on her for social interaction and general wellbeing and purpose. I have one person who has stuck with me and does a daily check in and unfortunately I keep getting unfounded anxiety that they will dissappear out of the blue. Cannot afford the time or cost of therapy yet. Im so ready to see something positive. The divorce wasnt mutual. She hit me out of the blue and within a couple weeks completely left my life.
Extreme anxiety rising about my dogs
Anxiety Support / by coleco
Last post
 September 23rd, 2022
...See more It legitimately breaks my heart and creates high anxiety first thing in the morning to leave the dogs to go to work. Just recently seperated last month from a 8yr relationship 5yr marriage. I have 2 german shephards who I consider children (2yr and 5yr). Not only am I dealing with extreme lonliness but they are dealing with a new norm as well. They are used to having someone home most of the week and now every morning when i leave for work i can just feel the despair growing in them. im an emotional wreck and i may be projecting my feelings a bit but i know their lives are changing as much as mine. im working on securing the backyard fence a little better and i installed a dog door so they can go outside whenever they need but currently not in use. They have been good and sleeping all day (cams) but it seems like they are getting excessively more anxiety filled when i get home. I have been leaving a radio on and giving them calming treats amd getting them outside for at least 45min every morning. Any words of advice? Please! Im not doing that great myself and im trying to meet their emotional needs as well. I feel like im sinking. Dont have money for a sitter,walker or daycare as the rates in my area are astronomical. Anyone have a similar situation?
Im a roller-coaster.
Relationship Stress / by coleco
Last post
 September 20th, 2022
...See more I feel like im failing at times. Particularly right now where im getting thoughts and sadness from seemingly out of the blue. I miss my family. I mourn the life that once was. its only been just over a month of separation and life changing events but sometimes i feel like im taking steps forward just to be knocked 10 steps back. I cant believe an 8 yr marriage could end so abruptly and turn into no communication. I've accented that she left a long time ago in her head at this point but its leaving me constantly reeling myself back in to reality or questioning everything. Im just having such a hard time living in the present and not the past. How did thick or thin turn into this? All the times i put everyone and everything on my back and crawled. I have nothing to show but hurt and memories. Everyday is scary and is being plagued by the struggle to cope and continue. Everything was so out of the blue. I didn't even have a clue she harbored these feelings to this extent. Let alone just walk away from a life where we accomplished and amounted to so much together from so little. Its definitely one of those days today and i feel like breaking down. i dont want this emptiness. This major change on routine is unbeaeable at the moment. Not having anyone to share the day or life with is extremely distressing.
Major anxiety today
Anxiety Support / by coleco
Last post
 September 19th, 2022
...See more I know this may seem trivial to some but please hear me out. Ive been struggling with so much anxiety my whole life but have always found ways to cope with the support of family or staying busy because of family. My wife seperated from me last month and its been 2 solid weeks of no contact and home alone. My anxiety sometimes is through the roof. Today im dealing with the thought of my two dogs. They are 5 and 2 years old. They were both raised in a family and crate trained. my 5yr old hasnt had his crate door shut in 2 years and has free roam of the house. When she left i was introducing my 2yr old to being out at nighttime but not when im away. Im trying to slowly work into letting her out all day with my oldest. Started by small trips away from the house and she has always done well. Today is the first big leap and im leaving her out while at work and honestly im so full of anxiety that i cannot focus. I have a fenced in back yard and eventually want to train them to let themselves outside when needed as well. i bought a quite expensive dog door for my sliding glass door and currently have it lock out until i can work with them. Last month I started taking anxiety medication for the first time out of necessity because i was having panic attacks when divorce was first put on the table. They seem to help but my anxiety blares through sometimes and it is all encompassing especially now when it comes to the dogs who i love like children. Today is a rough day trusting them to not get hurt or wreck things and the future of letting them be indoor outdoor is so hard to imagine but im taking steps in the direction. They kind of have always had someone home with them whether it be me or her and now they are in the same boat as myself. Any tips? Any similar situations? Any anxiety tips to ease my mind and let what happens happen? Im very isolated and dont have friends to speak to or family to rely on. I am in a very tough time trying to self motivate and continue everyday life for the sake of my job,home,dogs and self. Please give me words of inspiration or some advice.
So lonely.
Grief & Loss / by coleco
Last post
 September 23rd, 2022
...See more Trying to cope with self discovery of lonliness. Haven't been alone in 8 years and now i keep waking up and coming home to this empty house. The feeling is so intense at times and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness? Charles Bukowski
Im getting really depressed today
Relationship Stress / by coleco
Last post
 September 15th, 2022
...See more Depression is hitting me like a tidal wave. Haven't had the easiest day but now sitting in this house alone and being tired from work has got me sinking into the pit. Life changes on a dime sometimes. I set myself up for failure. Being introverted my family was all I needed for social interaction. Literally now that they are gone i have nobody close to turn to. I suddenly feel so alone in this world. lts crazy how fast things change. She left me without me knowing anything was wrong and in the course of a month has completely disappeared out of my life. Im hardly getting by right now mentally. Once loved now abandoned when all l ever did was provide for them. IM SO LOST.
Help
Relationship Stress / by coleco
Last post
 August 26th, 2022
...See more I know this is alot. Ive tried typing it out the best i can. I really need help.My wife is divorcing me. We've been married 5 years and together for 7. She announced it 3 weeks ago. It was a complete bombshell. I didnt know she had these feelings at all. She says there isnt any hard feelings but she has been thinking of this for over a year and she has been feeling us drift apart and stressing each other out and she doesnt want this to end in anger so she says it needs to end now. I had legit panic attacks for the first week to where i could hardly function. Had to reach out for the first time in my life for anxiety and depression meds and they are taking the edge off but giving me weird side effects like the ability to cry. Im in so much pain. This year has been a terrible year. Her dad died in January and she hasnt been handling it well. Ive picked up all the slack in her family because im the only male left. Supporting her mom and doing the things that needed to be done around her house. She has also had extreme pressure from work telling her to go to management becasue they are going to delete her position. She also had to get top dentures 3 months ago because of the cost of repairing the enamel on her teeth and seeking a better alternative like dentures. It turns out she has a gag reflex to dentures and hasnt been able to eat solid food in months. She has lost 50lbs. All this combined ive felt the distance physically and emotionally for months and ive been trying my best to step up and be a superman but to all fail. It finally came down to her saying she wants a clean slate in life and appreciates everything ive ever done for her and the kids but she is ready to move on. We have 2 kids together from her previous relationship that have only ever known me as father. She doesnt want them out of my life even though there are no legal obligations that protect me on seeing them. She wants to leave me our marital home and wants me to refinance witch i can. But the memories are so intense. Everything is so intense everyday right now. She wants an uncontested divorce and plans on moving all of her and the kids things out of the house by next week and stating in the paperwork that she has everything she wants and everything left at my address is mine. Im so torn up. She took her ring off a few days ago. Changed her address yesterday and started packing boxes. My house is feeling so scary. Ive never been alone in many many years. Let alone the thought of not coming home to the kids and their everyday life. A silent house. I still have responsibilities to the dogs to be home everyday after work to attend their needs. They are basically my emotional support through life. Her family cannot understand her decision and tried talking with her for the first week or so but it seems her mind is so made up and now they are trying to comfort me and support her however they can. All i have are my parents and brother but they are really consumed by their everyday lives as well. I feel so alone and hurt. She has been leaving everynight until early morning to go see another guy. She wont say it out loud and i really dont want her to but I know it for a fact at this point. There is evidence of it. She claims she is going to friends for support but ive found out otherwise and that hurt resides in my heart as well. Im on the edge of a tipping point in my life and im tottering. Im losing my family unit and for many years now ive dedicated my all to them. I go to work and go home. Thats my life. All ive needed for years to fill my cup is my family and now im so depressed and pathetic that i am barely operating anymore. She is taking this so gradually and calmly and im doing my best to respect her decision because she is not my slave but it hurts that this is happening at all. Im completely blindsided. I cant endure life but im making steps and reaching out in every way possible.
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