concavepearl97 Member Profile

...See more I don't cut i scratch, why? I have no idea. maybe I am/was a coward who can't bring herself to harming herself fatally even though I wish it some days. Maybe I am just looking for attentuin and for somene who wants to help me change; that cares. "this is your fault..." "if you could just change..." "why are you like this?..." If i knew why i would stop this. i want to be happy. Maybe it's all those fights i had in my teenage years where when i tried to give my opinion my mother would just shut down like a computer or become enraged where there was no talking only slamming doors or scream fests. Maybe it was because of everything she would get enraged over;sometimes so small I could never understand. Maybe its because I took after her and how she liked to treat me only now I do it to others. I am the spitting image of how she acted, and I don't like it. A impatient, unkind tongue that rolls derogative words off like a unbrella to rain. it's not to everyone though, just to my closest family and significate other(s) "A-Hole" " Useless " " Lazy " " Child " I never wanted to be this way. Harming people because of what was pounded into my as not only a teenager but a child. it might seem easy to change but to me its my hard wiring. It's in my DNA. Not helpless, but it feels like it. I Don't cut myself I scratch. Why, I dont really know. Maybe its because I deserve to live, because I deserve to have a good life not controlled but rage, fear and anything else holding my back. Just because i feel like i can't undo shit in my head doesnt mean its impossible. if you read though the whole thing... thank you so much. it means alot.

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