Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
confidants720
118 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2023 Member sinceSeptember 26, 2023
Bio
Recent forum posts
confidants720 profile picture
Never had long-term relationships, concerns
Relationship Stress / by confidants720
Last post
 October 1st, 2023
...See more I'm nearing my thirties and I've never had a long-term relationship before. I feel like an alien among my peers, my workplace, and even my friends. They have been in relationships for years, and I worry that my being single for so long may cause me to behave extremely awkwardly when I do enter into a relationship, which to me is not ideal. This alien does want to enter into a long-term relationship, but the men I'm interested in do not approach me and I don't approach them because I don't know how (speaking as a woman) without embarrassing myself or being lost at how to behave after he potentially agrees. Maybe there were cues of interest, and if so, I am too afraid to respond. I believe I don't know how to reciprocate, what to do after I reciprocate, and feel a huge embarrassment that such interest in me happened in public. If I see a person I'm interested in, fear makes me decide that they are already dating and find clues to confirm my suspicions. Furthermore, the people I'm currently physically around with are all several years younger than me, so it is hard to find people in a similar age range and maturity. Single university students are so quick to partner up, it's honestly amazing. Several things happened later in life for me: I began feeling confident and having concrete direction only in my mid-twenties. I actually started dating during this time (through apps) but it never evolved into something long-term. Nothing physical happened during those dates as I did not feel the same way towards them as they did towards me. They were great people and we had a nice time together but I could not see them as a romantic partner for various reasons. I do acknowledge that I am afraid of men I like and being judged by them, and that with the people I dated, I never felt afraid of potentially being judged. It is only with those who are "better" than me... but why would potential romantic partners and not others trigger low self-esteem? I'd love to find someone. I know people may think that I am cutting off relationships early in the bud but I would disagree. I never felt physically attracted to the people I dated, and while wonderful in their own rights, the past people have not hit that mark and I would prefer not to pretend. Apologies for this long post, but it was almost cathartic to type it out and helped me see some things clearly. What are your experiences and thoughts?
Search more from @confidants720
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
6 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out First Compassion Teammate Forum Friend
Report an issue