consideratePomegranate7372 Member Profile

...See more Hi everyone! I have been struggling, I’ve been having sober stretches here and there since 2017, after drinking every day for the last 15 years. This last time has been about four months, and each time I notice it affecting my 10 yr marriage because I realize how self absorbed he becomes. It worked out fine when both of us were in our own worlds, but when I come out of the fog I realize how much I crave connection and how much I just want to be seen and supported. Also, everyone around me in my life, including childhood, always pretending like everything was fine, pushing things under the rug and acting normal when things were really not. I feel like I am going crazy when he does this now. I’ll bring up a heavy topic and 10 minutes later it’s like it never happened. I’ll tell him I’m under the weather and it just… vanishes. I feel like a ghost here and I hate how cliche that is. I have tolerated his stuff for over a decade and his lack of support (I found support in wine all that time.) We’ve had some hard convos recently including me asking if he just doesn’t care. He’s in therapy and getting support for his emotional and childhood stuff. But he also just identified to me that his parents got divorced when his mom wanted to get away from his father and pursued a career late in life (how he processed it.) So it’s like built into him to get insecure when I pursue my dreams. He’s supporting me now but in the past especially when I went back to school, he was a real assh^% about it. I’m mad at myself for tolerating all of this, and mad at him for all of it now, despite the fact that he’s actively trying now. It feels too late. But we also have two small kids. I’m evolving and coming into my own so much these last handful of years, sometimes it feels that he’s only creating obstacles to this. I could use support from anyone who’s been in a similar boat. Thank you for listening. ♥️

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