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convivialBunny3162
105 M Embraced 1
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2021 Member sinceOctober 11, 2021
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No way out
Trauma Support / by convivialBunny3162
Last post
 October 18th, 2021
...See more It's been years I'm stuck in my mind and that I don't see a way out anymore. Everyday reliving the past, thinking about the fact how it changes my life in a negative way and the problems just keep going up. It's been 5 years since I survived the terrorist attack. I got badly injured and I have really bad ptsd. I have injuries that I will carry with me my whole life and they cannot do anything about it. Hospitals are my second home now. Every sound of an ambulance or police car or whatever kind of siren brings me back. The place everything happened I'm still working there. But it's so hard. I never took a break I never talked to anybody. I'm just not the kind of person that talks. I'm the type that listens to other people but my own problems I keep for myself. But it's to much. I'm always mad and sad at the same time I don't feel like I want to be in this world anymore. I wonder how my life would be of I'm not in it anymore. Would people miss me? I don't know. Before the terrorist attack my grand mother passed away in my arms. This year my mom got cancer. So I need to go to the hospital with her to. I barely am alive. It's like I'm alive just for work and hospitals. I don't have a social live anymore because I don't feel like talking or going out. I just want to be alone. When I'm alone I'm thinking. Thinking about everything that happened. Sometimes I re-watch the clips on YouTube about the attack to see everything again. Wonder How did I survive, why did I survive. I was so close to the bombs. Okay I got badly injured but I'm still here. Here to life my live in this hell I'm living. I tried talking to a psychologist but it didn't work. For the moment I just want to write everything down and tell everything but not face to face. Because when I talk I start crying when I start crying I get mad and when I get. Mad I get more sad. It's like a circle it never ends. I don't know what to do anymore I feel lost, stuck. I'm in a pitch black tunnel and there is no way out. Not even a small light it's just darkness all around me. 😞 There is no way out
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