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convivialRaspberries5945
115 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2018 Member sinceJuly 3, 2017
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Relationship Anxiety
Anxiety Support / by convivialRaspberries5945
Last post
 July 7th, 2017
...See more Hey there :) So I was wondering if anyone out there is struggling with relationship anxiety and maybe wants to talk about how to cope with it? I'd also be really grateful if anybody who feels the same as me could maybe give me some advice on my current situation. :) Sorry for the long text in advance. Basically I haven't been in a relationship for about two years now. (22 f) I have already suffered from anxiety in my previous relationship and it was a catastrophe. I was completely in love with this guy and lost my independence whilst being in this relationship. I was constantly afraid of being abandoned and would feel depressed if my boyfriend wasn't around, I stopped meeting up with friends and didn't pursue any hobbies, constantly needed reassurance. It was like I couldn't exist on my own anymore. I have always struggled to let new people into my life,so even then I was scared of being emotionally and physically involved with anyone. My boyfriend at that time always pretended to be super understanding and I fell for it. In reality he used my anxiety to pressure me into things that I didn't want to do. "I won't leave you, but you have to sleep with my so that I won't get any ideas of looking for anything elsewhere" etc. Of course I didn't realise what was going on. Turns out he was sleeping with another girl at the same time,he even told me that we never agreed to be exclusive etc. later on. It really messed with me and I can't seem to trust guys anymore. Now two years later I started hanging out with a guy, when we started meeting up it was only my intention to be friends. However, I have started to really like him,he knows this and feels the same. As much as I like him, I don't think I can be in a relationship with anyone. The thought of it makes me want to jump of a cliff. I am a) scared to once more have my happiness depend on a guy and b) I am terrified of being hurt again. I am so fragile anyway, I can't cope with another break up and all the stress that comes with a relationship. Plus I don't want him to deal with the crazy person that I become once I am attached to someone. He deserves better than that. I have told him that I don't want to get attached to anyone at the moment,especially because I am currently abroad and will be returning to my home country eventually. He said he understands and would rather have me as a friend than losing me, but I haven't told him about my mental illness so I don't think he fully understands. He is treating me as if he is my boyfriend (always asks if I want to come round,tells me I am beautiful etc.) I already feel like this is suffocating me, I really don't want to get attached, but I also don't want to hurt him. I can't explain how I feel properly, I am close to a panic attack everytime we are getting close. I seriously think that being in a relationship would make me more anxious than happy, especially since I already now that it won't last since I will moving soon. Apart from that the thought of having to sleep with someone anytime soon (my ex always criticised me, told me I wasn't good enough in bed etc) makes me want to cry. How do I make him understand?? Nobody ever believes the "not ready for a relationship" excuse. But it's true in my case. Help :(
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