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convivialThinker6253
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PathStep 5 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2022 Member sinceFebruary 5, 2018
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Was I sexually harassed?
Trauma Support / by convivialThinker6253
Last post
 November 11th, 2020
...See more This is going to sound really stupid, but the thought is making me really anxious. And you'll understand in a moment why there's nobody in my life I can seem to approach with this. A few years ago, my best friend in the whole entire world and I were walking around our school. He and I were strictly friends, and had never had feelings for each other. However, we had lost contact with each other for a few years, and we had only just begun to talk again. He took me to a very secluded corner of the school, and stopped walking. He stood in a way (turned to me) that indicated that I should face him...and that meant that I was up against the wall. It didn't seem forceful, just very odd. I stood there wondering why we weren't walking anymore. He went on to hug me really hard and entered my personal space without me giving ANY indication whatsoever that I wanted that, because I didn't. But I was taught to be the good girl, and I smiled and laughed it off as he broke the hug but still held on for a while to my waist. I was supremely uncomfortable. But I hadn't said no. I didn't ask him to do this but I didn't say no. I was so scared I'd lose his friendship again. In fact, i knew that if he stopped being friends with me, nobody in our entire friend group would want to be friends with me. He was a charming, intelligent guy, our whole group of friends revolved around him. So I smiled and wriggled away, but again, I didn't say no. Over the next month, he kept speaking suggestively to me, in a way that suggested that he wanted more incidents like that to take place. Here's where my real dilemma comes in. At the time, I told myself that I should do this just to be "cool" and "chill", but it also came from a place of not wanting to be a "bitch". I wanted to be nice. So not only did I respond to his advances, I initiated action sometimes. I knew that I was quite uncomfortable each time something happened with us (never sex or even making out, just very tight hugs and general closeness-- that was a big deal then too, we were quite young). I knew I wanted out of it but at the same time I didn't want to ostracize him. So I played my part. I made myself believe that discomfort was a part of it and that it was important that I do this in order to maintain his friendship. I even made myself believe that maybe I wanted this. This whole thing only ended when he started liking someone, someone he went on to date. Was this sexual harrasment? Given that I didn't say no, that I even initiated action because I thought that was what was expected of me and I didn't want to offend him, given that i hid my discomfort and tried to appear totally normal, would this be considered a violation? PS. I know this sounds really trivial, but I have no one to talk to. All my friends are his friends, still. I don't know where else to go.
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