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cookiewithoutraisins
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 7, 2023
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Feeling the need to come out but...
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by cookiewithoutraisins
Last post
 July 14th, 2023
...See more I've just seen a very similar thread here but I think my background is different, so not all of the advices are useful to me, hence I'm writing my own thread. I'm a trans man, out to my friends, new people and at my workplace, but not to my family. I'm currently saving up for a surgery and hormones. But I feel like I need to tell them before I do it. My family and I aren't close. It's not a bad relationship or any serious issue, we're just different types of people. Everyone but me does science related jobs and likes similar things, while I'm a teacher, 8k km away, on a different continent. We're texting a few times a week, but the last time we've spoken in the phone was maybe in March. Even when my grandma died recently, I got the news through a text, and I'm quite comfortable with this all. I don't have topics to talk about with them. So with this setting, I feel like I could text them that I'm getting the surgery and HRT but at the same time I feel like it's expected of me, to actually write a long speech about how I've never felt like a woman etc. My family is not a danger to me. They have queer friends, they taught me themselves that a man can love a man etc, they hold their friends accountable for their hatred etc. But I still feel they won't accept it with open arms and questions about my name. I think they'll be confused and disappointed and might even turn it into a teasing joke, like my adhd diagnosis. I'm financially independent, an adult, have most of my documents with me, have housing etc. So even if they would decide to cut me out (which I'm 99% sure they won't) I'm okay. I'm a little worried about the law, too. We're not American, but our laws aren't great either. To change Amy information written on my birth certificate, I need to take my parents to court. Yes, I need to sue my parents and win against them. I don't want to do it, of course, but I feel like they'd feel some guilt about it too. Separate issue, but due to work I'm socially separated. I can talk to my students, one coworker and that's it. The town I'm in is not made for people who were not born here. So generally I'm struggling- how do you deal with coming out like this. When you're away from the family, not very close but still want the relationship. I don't know what to do, and the current background of my life doesn't help at all.
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