Feeling the need to come out but...
I've just seen a very similar thread here but I think my background is different, so not all of the advices are useful to me, hence I'm writing my own thread.
I'm a trans man, out to my friends, new people and at my workplace, but not to my family. I'm currently saving up for a surgery and hormones. But I feel like I need to tell them before I do it.
My family and I aren't close. It's not a bad relationship or any serious issue, we're just different types of people. Everyone but me does science related jobs and likes similar things, while I'm a teacher, 8k km away, on a different continent. We're texting a few times a week, but the last time we've spoken in the phone was maybe in March. Even when my grandma died recently, I got the news through a text, and I'm quite comfortable with this all. I don't have topics to talk about with them.
So with this setting, I feel like I could text them that I'm getting the surgery and HRT but at the same time I feel like it's expected of me, to actually write a long speech about how I've never felt like a woman etc.
My family is not a danger to me. They have queer friends, they taught me themselves that a man can love a man etc, they hold their friends accountable for their hatred etc. But I still feel they won't accept it with open arms and questions about my name. I think they'll be confused and disappointed and might even turn it into a teasing joke, like my adhd diagnosis.
I'm financially independent, an adult, have most of my documents with me, have housing etc. So even if they would decide to cut me out (which I'm 99% sure they won't) I'm okay.
I'm a little worried about the law, too. We're not American, but our laws aren't great either. To change Amy information written on my birth certificate, I need to take my parents to court. Yes, I need to sue my parents and win against them. I don't want to do it, of course, but I feel like they'd feel some guilt about it too.
Separate issue, but due to work I'm socially separated. I can talk to my students, one coworker and that's it. The town I'm in is not made for people who were not born here.
So generally I'm struggling- how do you deal with coming out like this. When you're away from the family, not very close but still want the relationship. I don't know what to do, and the current background of my life doesn't help at all.
@cookiewithoutraisins I feel the best way is to split this situation into smaller chunks as looking at this as one massive problem can be very overwhelming.
1. Telling your family about the surgury and hormones is down to your preference there is no requirement to tell them it is exactly the same as sharing your sexuality. You have the freedom to share your personal decisions with whoever you feel comfortable sharing with.
2. Sometimes It can be difficult to have the same interests as other family members but this doesn't exactly mean they are trying to exclude you and make you feel isolated they actually may be feeling similar thoughts that they don't engage in regular discussion with you as they are unsure about what to talk about. Of course, it is good that you are comfortable with this.
3. Again back to my 1st point the choice to disclose your decisions is down to you and if you feel a text message is a suitable way to do this then that is absolutely fine. Nobody has the right to expect you to write a long paragraph about your decisions. There may be questions as this is a big decision to make and I would imagine your family might want a better understanding so they can be somewhat supportive.
4. It is good that your family has an open mindset and although you still have reservations about them not accepting you with open arms it does need to be considered that this is not only a big change for you to have to adapt to but also they will need time to adapt to your decision and this can sometimes lead to feelings that can be hard to actually process and can cause unusual behaviour. However, from what you have described I would say your family won't be disappointed but may have questions.
My advice would be to tell them about the surgery and Hormones as that way you have still attempted to maintain the relationship with them. As I said they will probably have questions but the most important thing through all this is you are the best person to decide what is best for you and regardless of anyone else's views you will always have people who will support you.