courageousNickel2969 Member Profile

...See more Hello, I feel like I have no one to confide in or a true friend to discuss this, but I feel as if I am going crazy. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 12 years. We married at a young age, at 18. During the course of our marriage ; he has cheated on me literally every single year or every so few months. Given, I have not been the best wife as, but I haven’t cheated or anything, just a few lies about financial things. I know I am not the best person as I can be “cold” and sometime not show emotion. But I honestly still don’t think I deserved what has happened to me. any person that stayed, of course they are not 100% loving when they are trying to heal and something happens again and you have a restart. I forgive because I truly care and love this guy and believed him. Normally cheating consist of just chatting , tinder, and etc. two instances was physical, but who am I kidding? There was probably more idk about or haven’t caught on to. Anyways, the last two years was the worst but the best. We worked hard on ourselves, or should I say I feel like I worked hard on myself, to be a better version of me, thinking I can be a better version for him. on March 2022, did the same crap, talked to some chick on tinder. He comes with you act like I was out having a relationship or something sexual. I was just chatting / flirting. I said doesn’t matter because you act and kept it a secret. It’s cheating. I said I can’t keep doing this because it feels like I am always the one working on me; working on us. Coming to last week, again. Some chick gave her # to him at the gym and he go text and flirt. He tells me the same thing and said he know he is better as he stopped himself and come to the realization that this is not what he want, but it’s me. I can smell the BS a mile away. Cause I hear that so many time. Anyways; he said it’s because he’s sad, he’s not happy. As a caring person who has always cared, I asked why? I asked how? But I have been thinking? HOW IS IT THAT I AM HURT , BUT HES GETTING THE COMFORT AND EXPRESSING HIMSELF?? I mean I express myself, but not to his extent. He is tired of me talking. He said he gets it, he messed up again, blah blah blah. But I feel I cannot express AN ounce of my anger, my sadness, anything. It ALWAYS turns back to the reason WHY he did it… am I crazy to think it’s NEVER about me? idk, this time I just feel more clear and exhausted. I know I am smart, but not smart to keep staying here and putting up with this. Given I do because we have two kids and a home.

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