Am I wrong to think it’s never about me?
Hello,
I feel like I have no one to confide in or a true friend to discuss this, but I feel as if I am going crazy. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 12 years. We married at a young age, at 18. During the course of our marriage ; he has cheated on me literally every single year or every so few months. Given, I have not been the best wife as, but I haven’t cheated or anything, just a few lies about financial things. I know I am not the best person as I can be “cold” and sometime not show emotion. But I honestly still don’t think I deserved what has happened to me. any person that stayed, of course they are not 100% loving when they are trying to heal and something happens again and you have a restart. I forgive because I truly care and love this guy and believed him. Normally cheating consist of just chatting , tinder, and etc. two instances was physical, but who am I kidding? There was probably more idk about or haven’t caught on to. Anyways, the last two years was the worst but the best. We worked hard on ourselves, or should I say I feel like I worked hard on myself, to be a better version of me, thinking I can be a better version for him.
on March 2022, did the same crap, talked to some chick on tinder. He comes with you act like I was out having a relationship or something sexual. I was just chatting / flirting. I said doesn’t matter because you act and kept it a secret. It’s cheating. I said I can’t keep doing this because it feels like I am always the one working on me; working on us. Coming to last week, again. Some chick gave her # to him at the gym and he go text and flirt. He tells me the same thing and said he know he is better as he stopped himself and come to the realization that this is not what he want, but it’s me. I can smell the BS a mile away. Cause I hear that so many time. Anyways; he said it’s because he’s sad, he’s not happy. As a caring person who has always cared, I asked why? I asked how? But I have been thinking? HOW IS IT THAT I AM HURT , BUT HES GETTING THE COMFORT AND EXPRESSING HIMSELF??
I mean I express myself, but not to his extent. He is tired of me talking. He said he gets it, he messed up again, blah blah blah. But I feel I cannot express AN ounce of my anger, my sadness, anything. It ALWAYS turns back to the reason WHY he did it… am I crazy to think it’s NEVER about me?
idk, this time I just feel more clear and exhausted. I know I am smart, but not smart to keep staying here and putting up with this. Given I do because we have two kids and a home.
@courageousNickel2969
Unfortunately, a lot of people do not understand enough about emotional cheating until it has happened. It need not be physical. Anything that is being shared (like an emotional connection) with someone outside of the relationship, sharing something that you intentionally hide from your partner, is in this ballpark.
It sounds like you have known for a long time that he does not consider this cheating despite the damage it is causing you and the marriage.
To answer your question - No. you are not crazy. As you mentioned, the kids and house perhaps make you rethink consequences of his behaviour and you find excuses to just move past it. He gives you the excuses by explaining WHY and shifting blame.
I'm just going on my past and experiences, I also got into a marriage and was with her from 17, I don't know if it was the same with him but I had only had sex with that girl I married.....a few years later I found myself also chatting to girls online, it was a weird time for me like I enjoyed getting the attention from these girls that I wasn't getting from my wife, I was custious what sex was like with different people, I didn't actually physically cheat but I wasn't faithful by chatting and swapping photos online, the more I did it the more excitement I got out of it, getting riskier all the time, when my now ex wife found out what I was like she wanted to leave me and gave me another chance, I ended up doing it again, she then broke up with me, a year later after I realised I was so stupid for what I did because I hurt another person I cared for for such a long time, I came to my senses knowing I did it because I didn't want to be with her anymore, but didn't know how to let go or leave her because we have a kid and had a house together, I was scared of moving on, being alone. That was 6 years ago now and I'm still looking for the right person but my life has changed so much, I've realised I don't want to be that person I was, I've had my experience sleeping with people and now want to settle down, so I'm saying how much you love someone, moving on will always make you feel happier, don't let someone cheat on you. You deserve alot better
