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courteousApricot8066
403 M Embraced 3
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2021 Member sinceApril 6, 2020
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worried about where my life is going
Anxiety Support / by courteousApricot8066
Last post
 April 7th, 2020
...See more I applied to a program last year called the JET program, that's for bringing native english speakers to be ALTs in classrooms in Japan. It's a really long process; oct to nov to submit all documents onlines, then you hear sometime in january if you made it to the interviews, then interviews early february, and then you know if you're going come april (but you don't leave until september). I made it all the way to the interview, and I thought I was doing good, but then on april 1st, I got an email telling me that I wasn't one of the ones selected to go. It felt like a cruel joke. and now i'm just berating myself for putting everything on this chance. i've graduated from college with a BA in asian studies and a minor in TESOL. i've worked some part time jobs while i was still going to school, and at least i can still live at home with my parents rent free. the only things i have to pay for is my car incurance, gas, and phone plan. i have some savings at least, and my dad will help me out financially some when i ask (but we have to hide it from my mom because otherwise she makes a big fuss about how i should be using my own money to pay for things). so now i don't know what to do about my future. the JET program is not a permanent position, but i wanted to use it to make connections and try to further a career in helping teach english in japan. that's pretty much all i have, and now that feels like it's gone. i am able to try again when the application period opens back up this year, but i have to go through everything again. and want to add that my heart isn't really set on teaching english, it was just to do something in japan and get out of america. i also feel stuck because of the quarantine. i had a job interview to work at the joann fabric store near me scheduled in march, but they had to call and postpone it until whenever this quarantine is over. at least the manager seems responsible, so hopefully he won't forget about me and will hire me on when this is all over. but i feel so anxious when something doesn't seem to be set in stone like this, and anything could change and i lose this chance to at least have a part time job to start saving up money again. the joann store was the only place that actually got back to me after i applied, becaue i've worked at another location near me before and i had gone into the store before the quarantine and gave them my name/number. it's also hard when i am very much not a morning person, and yet it seems like the only jobs that may hire me are ones that would want me there at like 6am and work an 8 hour shift. i can't do that. i need 4-6 hour shifts starting no earlier than about 10am, and to only work about 4-5 days of the week. i need the days off. i can't do 40 hours a week on minimum wage while doing something on my feet and having to deal with customers and who knows what in terms of a boss. i need something that fits my daily schedule, and won't be hard to handle mentally for me. when i had worked part time at joann before, it was fine. they also had to work around my school schedule though. so can't get a part time job, don't know what to do for a "career" or something for a salary job with what i went to school for, and i also don't want to go back to school because it feels like i've wasted so many years in school already. i graduated high school in 2009, and didn't graduate with that BA until 2018. if anything, i would want to get fluent in japanese, but that would take like 3-4 more years (i've already studied for 2) and a private tutor which costs money and takes more time, and i'm already 29 and now feel like i'm falling further and further behind in life, which i know isn't a thing, but being a year away from 30, still living with my parents, and feeling like i have no career path is hard and doesn't help my anxeity, which then also causes depression. i've been feeling pretty depressed the past few days. i was doing fine before i got the bad news, and then the bad news just weighed me down. playing any of my favorite games feels empty and a waste of time. i can't enjoy it. i've talked to a friend about this all, but she lives on the east coast and i'm on west coast, so she's going to bed when it's about 9-10pm my time. i know and she knows that i use talking with her as a way to cope, and i know it's not fair of me to demand all of her attention for most of the day, when she also has her boyfriend to consider. we've already talked about this kind of stuff together. i need ways to cope that aren't her, that i can do at home, that also don't require going outside very much because it's been rainy here and i think it's too cold to go outside when the weather is like below 70 even if it's sunny. hopefully it'll warm up soon. some advice on anything would be appreciated.
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