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crimsonSkies1892
92 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceDecember 27, 2023
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I need advice/help on what to do or where to start woth myself

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Would I be considered a coward if I wanna divorce over money?
Relationship Stress / by crimsonSkies1892
Last post
 December 28th, 2023
...See more I (27f) am married to my husband (31m) for about 9 years now. Bit of background, I grew up poor and with a traumatic childhood. Into my teen and adulthood I have made alot of regrettable decisions. My biggest one. Money spending. When I was 19, I stole over 1000 from my mom and dad which resulted with me getting kicked out (rightfully so). They ended up taking me back in a couple months later when they people I lived with were moving. So that's a bit of context. Even now, married and moved I still have struggled with buying thing even if I knew I was broke. Recently I stopped working to focus on school. My husband gave me *allowance* of 100 per week so I could have not be completely useless. But my habit started kicking up again. My husband pays all the bills now with salary that rivals probably most of Americans. I have 2 cards. One where he gives my allowance and another that is *strictly* for bills. The last year I have really struggled with controlling my spending. To the point he has reprimanded me a couple times like a child because I keep going over budget or on things he deems useless or unnecessary. I keep telling myself to stop and get in under control and for awhile it was working because I genuinely felt horrible. Fast forward to my trip back to my hometown, I once again fell into my habit to which he called (he stayed behind because he had to work). He didn't yell, he didn't say much of anything besides waiting for me to Give an explanation. I couldn't. He has ignored me to which I understand. Now I know I completely in the wrong and as much as he tells me I'm not, I know I'm a financial burden. Maybe even more. My thing is.. What do I do? I love my husband but I can tell I really have a problem. I don't how to change no matter how many times he sat me down and we talked because I ve done this before. I have a strong urge to maybe call off our marriage not because I'm pouting or petty but because I seriously don't know what to do and I don't want to become the reason this man breaks and become someone he's not mentally. He is a good man with rational thinking. Counseling didn't help me, and I feel like leaving is my only option at this point so maybe he can find a women who will treat him right. Please help or give advice. I genuinely don't know how to control my urge or fix it
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