crybxbie Member Profile

...See more Hi, all.💜 My name is Chloe and I’m 26. I was diagnosed with PTSD and acute and generalized anxiety back in 2017. Then in September of 2019 I was diagnosed with BPD. A little over a year ago I found myself spiraling into an addiction to cocaine. I first started using with friends socially. I met my (now ex) boyfriend shortly after and our entire relationship was built on the foundation of using together. He very quickly became scary and abusive, isolating me from contact with anyone and everyone but him. I had only him. And cocaine. And cocaine didn’t scream at me, call me names or hurt me. I needed it to escape the reality I was living. Fast forward to April of this year when I finally found my way out from him. He had been planning to move us across the country and had planned on having me meet him there by plane. I didn’t board the flight that day. I changed all of my contact information and fled. I still found myself addicted to cocaine although I no longer needed it as an escape but I still struggled to give it up. I realized I have a problem. I have been sober since May 2nd but it’s a rocky road. I’m trying my best, but I still think about it. I almost relapsed last night but my plug couldn’t supply me… If he could’ve, I would’ve. I woke up today and decided that I needed to find support. I have never been to any kind of support group in person or online. My brother OD’d and passed away just two years ago in July 2020. I don’t want to hurt my family anymore. I don’t want this for myself anymore either, but it’s so difficult. It starts with talking about it, so thank you for giving me the space to share my story.🥺

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