Newly Recovering Addict
Hi, all.💜
My name is Chloe and I’m 26. I was diagnosed with PTSD and acute and generalized anxiety back in 2017. Then in September of 2019 I was diagnosed with BPD.
A little over a year ago I found myself spiraling into an addiction to cocaine. I first started using with friends socially. I met my (now ex) boyfriend shortly after and our entire relationship was built on the foundation of using together. He very quickly became scary and abusive, isolating me from contact with anyone and everyone but him. I had only him. And cocaine. And cocaine didn’t scream at me, call me names or hurt me. I needed it to escape the reality I was living.
Fast forward to April of this year when I finally found my way out from him. He had been planning to move us across the country and had planned on having me meet him there by plane. I didn’t board the flight that day. I changed all of my contact information and fled. I still found myself addicted to cocaine although I no longer needed it as an escape but I still struggled to give it up. I realized I have a problem. I have been sober since May 2nd but it’s a rocky road. I’m trying my best, but I still think about it. I almost relapsed last night but my plug couldn’t supply me… If he could’ve, I would’ve. I woke up today and decided that I needed to find support.
I have never been to any kind of support group in person or online. My brother OD’d and passed away just two years ago in July 2020. I don’t want to hurt my family anymore. I don’t want this for myself anymore either, but it’s so difficult. It starts with talking about it, so thank you for giving me the space to share my story.🥺
I'm proud of your resolve, and I'm sure I don't need to actually tell you to lose contact with your plug as well. If they're currently a "friend" they should understand. If/when they do better themselves, or you are exceedingly comfortable in your own recovery, then and only then let them back in your life. It's a rough road full of pitfalls, but your recovery needs to be a little selfish occasionally. Wish you only the best, keep fighting the good fight!
Delete your plugs contact information, ask them to delete your Info too. If you are close enough, even ask them to never respond to your asking for any. If you are into anything like gaming or hell even gambling... Well I personally temperaly used the amount of lotto that I could play with money saved from not using to begin my sobriety attempt my most successful time. But not for long as trading one addiction for another is never good. I could be someone who could hold you accountable for using coke. If you'd do the same for me
