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cyanBirch2840
1 55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2018 Member sinceJanuary 16, 2018
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The elephant in the room- past breakup has me terrified of my current relationship
Relationship Stress / by cyanBirch2840
Last post
 January 16th, 2018
...See more About a year ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me , I went through a really tough time and attending counselling for a few months after. It took a long time to come back to myself and out of a depression like state. I started dating again quickly after finding myself in a string of flings , I started seeing someone in the summer someone I liked for a while , and I've found myself in a relationship ...and I'm absolutely terrified because it is only in the last few months I feel like I'm back to myself . Sometimes I think I come across as aloof to him , I find it really difficult to put into words what I'm feeling , I really like him , but I feel like my mental health needs to be the love of my life , I am so terrified that he will break up with me and I will go back into that state of depression. To the point that sometimes when we hang out and its lovely I recognise moments /patterns from the last relationship and my mind alerts me as if to say watch out ..just in case. I think partially because when my ex broke up with me I thought everything was going really well ..I didn't see it coming and now I'm on high alert... It upsets me ..because I feel like I am not fully in the moment with my new lover. I wonder a lot should I tell my new boyfriend about my counselling ..I don't want to freak him out and I think I'll only get upset when I talk about it. It's like an elephant in the room he isn't aware of. I find aswell any time someone mentions that past relationship I get upset ..uncontrollably , and I know I don't want to be with that past lover for various reasons but it still hurts. I'm just confused I suppose....
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