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cydonia
1 777 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts61 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceFebruary 7, 2015
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Neglectful Parents
Trauma Support / by cydonia
Last post
 February 24th, 2015
...See more Since I was a child, my parents have been very cold towards me. They can't seem to show affection or any love at all. I would categorize them as emotionally abusive. I've never felt close to either of them. In fact, when I was nine and my brother was seven, they sent us to live with our grandparents in a city 12 hours away for no apparent reason. Being that young, you would think we wouldn't have been able to get on without them. But I don't remember missing them once. I barely even spoke to them on the phone, maybe a few times, and when I had to, I dreaded it. My brother and I were forced to move back home a year later, and I was so unhappy about it.   I can count the number of times my parents have hugged me and said "I love you" in my entire life on both hands. I'm 22 now, and have unfortunately had to move back in with my parents after three years away. I can't seem to move past the hatred and hurt I feel. My siblings are going through the same feelings and have their own ways of dealing with it. My brother spends his days smoking pot and playing video games. He doesn't seem to have many future prospects and barely leaves the house. I can tell he is depressed as well. My sister on the other hand buries herself in what ever she is currently obsessed with, be it work, school, yoga, etcetera, so that she does not have to deal with her feelings. It comes out occasionally as explosive anger, directed at whoever is unlucky enough to be close by.   I hate to admit it, but to this day, I feel envious when I see friends or family with loving, caring parents. I would cut off my left arm to have that.   I feel like the reason I'm uncomfortable showing and receiving affection from others and also sharing my feelings and emotions is because of the way I was raised. I'm trying to change this but it's really hard. Is there anyone else who has dealt with parents like mine? How did you move past it? I'm getting tired of dealing with the same issues over and over. Is there any way to forgive my parents and stop feeling so resentful?  
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I want to move on with my life..
Relationship Stress / by cydonia
Last post
 February 12th, 2015
...See more My boyfriend of nearly three years cheated on me this summer and I ended things as soon as I found out and moved back in with my parents. The betrayal and hurt was unlike anything I've ever felt. It's been seven months but I'm still having trouble feeling happy and normal.   My parents have always been extremely neglectful toward me ever since I was a child and they seem emotionally dead inside. They have never shown me any affection and show little interest in me. My ex was the only one I was ever able to open up to and the only one who showed me love. He made me feel like I was wanted and that my existence is justified.   Right before I met him, I was going through a really hard time. I've had depression nearly all of my life but was clinically diagnosed in high school along with pretty bad social anxiety.  I saw multiple psychologists and was on meds for about 3-4 years.  It got so bad that I dropped out of my last year of school. Once I met my ex, we moved in together very quickly because I was miserable at home. To support myself I had to start working full-time and kept putting off going back to school. After the breakup I stepped down from a management roll at work and now only work a few days a week. I find it incredibly difficult to be motivated to do any schoolwork and don't leave my house unless I absolutely have to. I see myself falling back into detrimental habits. I'm very reclusive, have started self-medicating with alcohol, have begun to self-harm once again, and have suicidal thoughts occasionally.   I feel so alone and worthless. It was already so hard for me to trust anyone, and when I finally let someone in, he just wrenched my heart out of my chest and stomped on it.   I don’t really know what to do at this point. Well, I know what I should do but I don't know how I can finally find the strength to carry on with my life.   P.S. My ex still contacts me and wants to get back together. He says he still loves me and keeps saying it was a mistake. But I just can't see him the same way. Not after what he did.
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