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daisyLazy4544
505 M Embraced 4
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts41 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceJune 19, 2022
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Feelin weird
Journals & Diaries / by daisyLazy4544
Last post
 August 17th, 2022
...See more I feel bad. I wanna give my boyfriend unconditional love all the time not just under the influence but I find when I’m sober everything just hurts. I’m saying I’m fine and trying to keep positive and idk what it is but it feels like someone has locked me in this cage and I feel like I’m not even trying to get out anymore. It feels helpless. I don’t want to tell him what’s going on but I also want to so bad. It just feels like I’ve given up with everything. On my academics, jobs, hygiene, business, friends, significant other, and family. I feel so powerless. I feel so guilty for struggling to even be around anyone. I don’t want to be alone but that’s all I can do right now. It’s so hard to even speak, hold a conversion, it’s like I’m not there. I wish I could make this feeling go away. I don’t know why it’s not going away.
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Anxious
Relationship Stress / by daisyLazy4544
Last post
 July 15th, 2022
...See more My boyfriend has been loving and caring but I can’t get some things he said out of my head. Personally, I refuse to fully check someone out, only acknowledge “they’re attractive good for them and their confidence”, but when my bf said “it’s okay to look in a relationship” and “seeing isn’t the same thing as looking” and every time I used to compliment him he’d bring up another girl and that made feel really uncomfortable. Also during a date we had he saw a girl in the movie and was like “god she’s soooo bad” and I felt like I looked nothing like these girls. He also followed and liked half naked pictures of a bunch of girls. And I told him about how uncomfortable I felt and he says he’s trying his best and he hasn’t said anything out loud and unfollowed a lot of those girls for a while but I can’t help thinking how he probably just does it when I’m not around now. I feel like I almost don’t trust him now to not lust after girls, make moves on them and leave me esp cause he also likes to party. I also feel like I haven’t been able to have physical intimacy like before and I’m worried that maybe he’s not actually attracted to me anymore. I’m not sure what to do and if I’m just holding onto old things and something else is just going on
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I don’t know
Trauma Support / by daisyLazy4544
Last post
 June 24th, 2022
...See more I’m not diagnosed with PTSD and it almost feels embarrassing to say I have trauma even though I went through some tough things. ***TW*** I’m not yet comfortable with sharing my full story but I will say at about 13, I was blackmailed for explicit photos, most of my life I watched my family get physically abused, I'm not sure if I was emotionally abused, and I’ve recently lost a family member. I now finally have a loving, understanding, patient boyfriend, but I don’t know how to tell him what’s wrong. He’s knows what I’ve gone through, but lately it’s like I can’t find my words. We are currently long distance due to college summer break and being back home feels unbearable. i don’t how to describe how I feel all I know it’s that it hurts. I want to say something but I keep saying I’m fine and changing the subject. I feel like I just say that because I don’t know how to put my hurt into words.
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