I don’t know

I’m not diagnosed with PTSD and it almost feels embarrassing to say I have trauma even though I went through some tough things.

***TW***

I’m not yet comfortable with sharing my full story but I will say at about 13, I was blackmailed for explicit photos, most of my life I watched my family get physically abused, I'm not sure if I was emotionally abused, and I’ve recently lost a family member.

I now finally have a loving, understanding, patient boyfriend, but I don’t know how to tell him what’s wrong. He’s knows what I’ve gone through, but lately it’s like I can’t find my words. We are currently long distance due to college summer break and being back home feels unbearable.

i don’t how to describe how I feel all I know it’s that it hurts. I want to say something but I keep saying I’m fine and changing the subject. I feel like I just say that because I don’t know how to put my hurt into words.