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danniedukey
1,239 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2021 Member sinceAugust 20, 2016
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Every Day.
Eating Disorder Support / by danniedukey
Last post
 June 4th, 2017
...See more 96. That's how many outings I missed with my friends when I wasn't first initially diagnoesd with bulimia nervosa. I remember each one I missed, because I would record it in my journal and write about how much food they're probably eating and how much food I had just thrown up. It's sickening to me to think about how proud I was. I was happily pushing my friends away because I was so scared that I would be above 100 pounds. When I finally got treatment, my friends came to visit me in the hospital. They would tell me about all the things that were happening in school- pep ralleys, fundraisers, football games. They would tell me about the new farmer's market that opened up, and about the new yoga class they had tried. They would tell me about how they found this new lunch spot downtown, and how the when the sun hit the windows just right, the shadows would form a painting on the wall. And as I lay there, in that stupid bed, with stupid tubes hooked up to my stupid body, I realized how much I was really missing. There's a lot of life to live out there- there's food I haven't tried, songs I haven't listened to, sunrises I haven't seen. There was so much life to live that I wasn't living because I was too scared of how big my arms looked, or how much my thighs jiggled. I never wanted to miss out on a laugh or a hug or a kiss just because I was too insecure about a body that's supposed to climb mountains, swim oceans, and run miles. Things get better, I promise. They do. But you have to work at it. You really have to believe in it. You have to do it every day- that's the hard part, you have to do it every single day. But it does get better. And you do catch up.
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