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dapperBalsam6770
96 M Embraced 1
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2021 Member sinceDecember 10, 2021
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Hurt
Relationship Stress / by dapperBalsam6770
Last post
 December 19th, 2021
...See more I've met my fiance back in Spring of 2019. I was at the top of my world. I felt like queen of the world because of what i asked for and manifested. We have a child together and are expecting another one soon. Lately, I don't feel in love. My love for him has been gone. Since our big fight, part of me wonders why did I take him back. After everything things really haven't changed. I will be honest, I thought about leaving my relationship and going my own way. Am I selfish for thinking like that? Part of me still feels the hurt and the pain him and his family caused me when the big fight happened. I don't want to hurt him because he's the last person i dont ever want to bring harm, but that part of me wants him to get his karma. He lost his best friend, his companion pup I helped him get, a few months after we rekindled our relationship, but I feel like that wasnt enough. The pain of me being ignored, crying myself to sleep everynight, screaming 'why me God' silently in the dark for 10 days when that happened, I cant seem to let it go. Im such a total bitch, a big cry baby, along with selfish for thinking & wanting him to feel that kind of hurt and pain. I feel like the only way I can let go, is if I leave. I love him enough to let him go. I can't marry into a family where I'm uncomfortable. I want to marry because of the love and the happiness. Which is what I thought I had in the beginning. Breaking up has been on my mind for a while and I think it would be for the best...
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Can't let go
Relationship Stress / by dapperBalsam6770
Last post
 December 13th, 2021
...See more I've been in this relationship with my fiance for a while now. We have a son and currently are expecting baby number two. Before our blessings, last year was a bit rough. On Father's day, it turned out to be one of the worst days I've went through. I know all our relationships have out ups and downs. I get it. What happened was my fiance got invited to his family BBQ. I wanted to go but his sister refused that I come. He didn't want to go but I told him he should. After he left, hours later he came back with his brother, packed his things and left. He told me 'I dont want to be with someone who's bipolar like you.' I was torn to pieces when he left. Days later i come to find out he didnt want to leave but his family kept pushing that he should. I poured my heart out because i thought he was the one but it backfired. After a few weeks he wanted to meet up and talk about it and want to work things out. I knew after that break secrets were released. As much as I wanted to be like No I think it's best we go our separate ways, I wanted him back more. So we rekindled the relationship. As months go by things between myself and the family are still tense. He still gets invited to all the family events but I still stay behind. A while back his sister went through a similar situation, took back an ex, the family said their sorrys and accepted him back. I don't understand because after I said I was sorry, nobody acknowledged it. Exactly one year after this incident, I couldnt hold myself together and lost it. I was depressed for those few days and I was an emotional wreck. Though its been a year later, i can't find myself to let this go or be happy. I've honestly from time to time find that I dont want to be married to him and into the family. Despite us having children together my happiness isn't where I thought it would be. I don't know how to get passed this or move on. Day in and day out, I find myself being hurt from the pain as well as wiping away my tears and pretending to go on.
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