Hurt

I've met my fiance back in Spring of 2019. I was at the top of my world. I felt like queen of the world because of what i asked for and manifested. We have a child together and are expecting another one soon. Lately, I don't feel in love. My love for him has been gone. Since our big fight, part of me wonders why did I take him back. After everything things really haven't changed. I will be honest, I thought about leaving my relationship and going my own way. Am I selfish for thinking like that? Part of me still feels the hurt and the pain him and his family caused me when the big fight happened. I don't want to hurt him because he's the last person i dont ever want to bring harm, but that part of me wants him to get his karma. He lost his best friend, his companion pup I helped him get, a few months after we rekindled our relationship, but I feel like that wasnt enough. The pain of me being ignored, crying myself to sleep everynight, screaming 'why me God' silently in the dark for 10 days when that happened, I cant seem to let it go. Im such a total bitch, a big cry baby, along with selfish for thinking & wanting him to feel that kind of hurt and pain. I feel like the only way I can let go, is if I leave. I love him enough to let him go. I can't marry into a family where I'm uncomfortable. I want to marry because of the love and the happiness. Which is what I thought I had in the beginning. Breaking up has been on my mind for a while and I think it would be for the best...