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ddmae
1 392 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 19, 2026
Bio

I have been suffering from major depression for 18 years, I don't know who I am anymore and if there's even a way out anymore.

Recent forum posts
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Spiraling from a good day into a depressive mindset
Depression Support / by ddmae
Last post
 February 11th
...See more I swear, I had a good day yesterday. I laid awake around midnight, I had been tossing and turning for hours and had finally decided to talk to some friends. Shortly after beginning the conversation, I began to spiral. We had started talking about the woes of work life, sharing the struggles we had dealt with that day. While my friends lemented over corporate struggles, I shared that I was busy fighting my bosses to get a 30 minute lunch break. A struggle I didnt realize i would be having at 31 years old. I also didnt imagine I'd still be working retail at this age.. then the conversation shifted to college/university. A sore subject for me as I had chosen to drop out of college due to schedule stress mixed with my depression. So I spiraled. Why? Purely because I feel I've been left in the dust, struggling to navigate adulthood and wondering if I'll ever do something more than work a dead-end job that makes me feel worthless. And then in that moment I remembered how truly broken I feel. I remembered the moment from earlier in the day when my med alarm went off at work. My coworker had notice that it said "6 medications to take". I thought of each med and recalled that half of them are psych meds and one is for my diabetes. The other two are generic "getting older" type meds (cholesteroland acid controller). But more than half my medications make me feel broken. TLDR; This is a lot of rambling to say that I feel like the depression I had developed from a young age has stunted my growth into adulthood and I feel stuck and even more depressed at the prospect. I dont know how to move forward from here and even if given directions, Im scared of the unknown.
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Motivation Help
Depression Support / by ddmae
Last post
 January 26th
...See more So I've been off my meds for 19 days and I gotta go through the process of getting use to taking them again. During those 19 days, and the days that have followed, I have been struggling to do things that I want to do. As well as the things I need to do. My space is a mess, I really need to clean. But the motivation is absent. I look at the mess and get overwhelmed, even when I look at it in sections. I dont know what to do. Any advice?
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A long road ahead
Depression Support / by ddmae
Last post
 January 20th
...See more Hello, my username is ddmae and Ive been suffering from long term major depression for 18 years. I am currently 31 years old and living with my mom due to not making enough money to have a place on my own. I also have Type 1 Diabetes, which has made the depression worse. I dont know who I am anymore, the road I have traveled is long but the road ahead feels longer. I'm scared of myself, of what I might do. I am on three different psych meds and I have been put in a psych ward twice, the last of which was after I made an attempt on my own life. Im currently trying to establish care with a therapist/psychiatrist but each time I try something blocks the road. The first road block was a loss of trust when my first therapist told my mother I was making it up for attention. Ive been scared to trust them again ever since.
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