distressedbbyg Member Profile

...See more recently i found out i had BPD & it honestly made me feel worse because now i know for a fact something serious is wrong with me rather than speculating. i've always had a terrible past with people rather they be my friends, partner, or just a quick little thing. idk how to explain it all that well, but i've always messed things up & i never knew why i did the things i did or why i said the things i did & i always felt out of control & now that everything is laid out for me & reality has hit... i feel so bad?! so bad for everything ive done to these people. i feel bad for pushing them away, for making them feel unreciprocated love, for simply being me i feel so so so bad & here recently with this break up i went through i just cant deal. i feel utterly and completely lost and broken and alone & all i truly want is for someone to love me & just be there for me through my worst & ive never had that because when i get even slightly bad they leave or im ignored until they need something. i just want to not feel like this constantly & i know that will never happen & i feel like i will never not feel alone & that no one is going to want to deal with me...i have no friends or anyone to talk to... idk what to do anymore honestly

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