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djhmbtr
1 683 M Embraced 5
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts35 Forum posts44 Forum upvotes31 Current upvotes31 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceNovember 15, 2021
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Should I Go to Therapy for BPD?
Personality Disorders Support / by djhmbtr
Last post
 August 30th, 2025
...See more I don’t have the best track record with therapy experiences, but I keep having instances that make me think something is wrong with me and that I might need to go. I’m coming here to explain what I’ve been experiencing to see if this sounds like BPD or am I just overanalyzing and reading too much on the internet. So please be honest. I’m having issues in my current relationship. We’ve been arguing a lot lately and I feel like I could be toxic. For some reason when he’s talking to me about his opinion of certain things and we have different opinions I immediately think he’s against me. I read into his passion/frustration with different topics as he doesn’t like me for my opinion or he’s trying to change me. And then we get into big arguments and yelling and it’s hard to bring it back. I just get so frustrated and angry and I can feel it in my chest. And I have a literal break down and cry hysterically and feel so much guilt. For some reason I think being bad is wrong and it’s hard for me to take responsibility. But then it all hits and I feel ridiculous for how I act and it’s just a constant cycle. It’s like I can’t break it. I’m afraid I’m going to lose him. And I’ve had past relationships where I feel like I somehow do the same thing. Maybe not with the same stuff like the differing of opinions but I’ve been told I’m too much before and it sticks in my head. Currently my boyfriend feels like he can’t be himself around me, like he has to walk on eggshells. He says he doesn’t know if something is going to be a normal conversation or if it’s going to set me off someway somehow. He says he never knows what to expect or what to say. He always tells me how he hasn’t changed at all and how it was different in the beginning. And I guess he’s right. Idk when we were just friends and just starting out dating I wasn’t like this. I feel like I’m not good in relationships. I’ve also struggled with self harm on and off for probably about ten years. It usually happens as a coping mechanism. Anytime I feel insecure after arguments or guilt and like I terrible person is primarily when it happens. And idk I just feel like I’m a bad person a lot even when I’m trying not to be. It’s like I don’t even know myself sometimes. Even typing this out I feel wrong like I shouldn’t be as if everyone is going to think im just looking for attention or coming up with an excuse for my actions. I’m just really confused and want to know what’s wrong with me and how I can keep a relationship. Thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this.
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How do I forgive myself ?
Self-Esteem / by djhmbtr
Last post
 January 1st, 2025
...See more coming close to a year ago now, I made a mistake that greatly hurt someone that I love and it still effects our relationship sometimes to this day. I had an issue with alcohol that stemmed from a previous relationship and it just got worse as I tried to cope with it. Flash forward I got too drunk and went out basically alone and really scared this amazing guy that I’m with now. I don’t remember a lot that happened but I was talking crazy and hardly knew where I even was or if anything happened to me and he had to come find me in a town that he didn’t know. That’s when I knew I had a problem and I’m still working through it. I’ve even had a few slip ups since. I was in denial and didn’t want to admit I had a problem. I understand why he’s hurt still and don’t want him to feel like he can’t talk about it in order to keep moving past it, but I just feel so much pain every time we talk about it because of how much it hurt him, how ignorant I was being, and how guilty it truly makes me feel. I know it changed him, but it’s also changed me. I don’t feel confident like I used to. I constantly feel like he thinks badly of me every time we have any sort of conflict. So I get incredibly defensive and have a break down. I’m so hard to communicate with and I used to not be like this until the mistake that I made happened, and he knows it too. How do I get back to the way I used to be? Or at least to just heal enough to not be like this. How do I forgive myself? And how do I get him to not only see me as this drunken mess? I’m trying so hard to do and be better and not be that person anymore.
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I’m too much
Anxiety Support / by djhmbtr
Last post
 December 20th, 2024
...See more I don’t know how to stop feeling so much. It’s like anything anyone says I can take to heart in an instant. I’m really not good with criticism. It’s like I have to be perfect or I’m so mad at myself. My boyfriend tried to express that he wanted more time with me and feels as though I’m not as invested in him as I used to be. And although I mostly understood what he was trying to say and get I’ve had a lot happening lately, it’s like I snap and can’t be in the wrong. I don’t know how to fix this. Then I get so upset at myself and have a mental breakdown and feel crazy like I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore or how I got in that situation. I know I’m in the wrong but I can’t stop feeling like I need to be perfect or I’ll be mad at myself and think everyone else thinks the worst of me too because I do. It’s a constant battle. And I spend so much time trying to defend myself and arguing it that it hurts everyone else and then I realize what I’ve done in the moment from being so emotional I can’t control how I act. But then I get emotional after realizing what’s happened. I just wish I could stop being so hard on myself. Everything is a big thing to me and every little mistake is a big mistake in my head and I severely beat myself up for it. It’s the sole reason behind why I would self harm starting in middle school and still struggle on and off til this day. I don’t want to be this way anymore but I don’t know how to fix something that has been an issue for so long. I just wish I could turn my emotions off like I feel and think too much . Why am I like this??
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Not in a good headspace
Depression Support / by djhmbtr
Last post
 September 9th, 2022
...See more Lately I’ve been feeling depressed. I have an appointment to get set back up on my antidepressants, but it’s a month away. I feel so hopeless and worthless. I don’t like the person that I see everyday, but my depression makes it hard for me to make the changes that I need to make. I just graduated college, I have an okay job, and I’m starting to work things out with my ex again. I should be happy, but I feel more lost than ever. I feel like I’m not doing enough with my life. I can’t seem to get back into my hobbies. I feel like I just work and come home. I hate when my chest feels this heavy. I get irritated so easily, and just don’t know what to do with myself. I find myself sleeping more than normal and eating more which in turn makes me feel worse about my body image. I’m just feeling hopeless.
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