druidofcats Member Profile

...See more It's been almost 10 years of hoping that my parents would come around to accepting me as queer (bi/pan non-binary) and I'm finally going no contact. (They them pronouns for myself and my fiance) It makes me really sad because the last honest conversation I had with my parents where I was sobbing trying to explain how it hurt that they won't accept me, they still maintained their stance that my lifestyle is against their christian beliefs. However, they still want me to have some kind of presence in their life even though it hurts to be around them knowing how they really feel. Like they want to pretend that nothing has changed since I became an adult and they don't have a queer child even though I've been out to them for years. It's very hard because they are so polite and calm about it and it makes me feel like I'm the bad guy anytime I set a boundary or stand up for myself. They have not supported my relationship with my fiance from the start. We were escaping an unsafe housing situation and had nowhere else to go so I reluctantly asked if we could stay with my parents. They required that we be in a non sexual relationship in order to live with them. The other option was homelessness so we gave in. We had separate beds and weren't even living in the house, but in the garage with no privacy from my parents and two siblings who still live at home. We weren't allowed to use the bathroom together even just to brush our teeth. During our time with them, they harassed my fiance, who has a disability, about not working and not spending time outside the garage. They insisted that they go for a walk or spend time in the sun even though we repeatedly explained why that was not happening. Finally, I sent my parents a firm but polite text setting a boundary and asking that they stop because it was causing stress for both of us. While I was still at work, my dad left my grandma's house where he'd been visiting with her to come home and lecture my fiance. He acted as tho I was a child giving him attitude and blamed my fiance for making me upset. I moved out of state for the first time in October to live with my fiance. Due to not having the money for a moving truck, we had to leave a lot of things at their house where we'd been staying over the summer. We repeatedly asked that they mail our belongings rather than drive out to our new place. They had already crossed so many boundaries just in the time we lived there that my fiance wanted no further interaction with them and I was on the same page. They mailed several boxes (tho still pushing to drive out here) but the boxes they mailed were not the priority items we had asked for. Some of them were even things we had marked for donation or trash. Then my dad tells me he's taken time off work to bring us the rest of our things. Not asking, telling, totally ignoring our requests. At this point I gave in. I felt like I had to be compliant at that point or we wouldn't get the rest of our belongings (or it would drag on for months and I'd have to stay in contact the whole time). It was the week before Thanksgiving and I always feel more guilt and like I have to comply with them around holidays. After they left I responded less and less to texts and calls. I didn't respond to anyone over the holidays and I only talk to my grandma because she doesn't pass on what I say to my parents. She doesn't fully understand why I wouldn't give my parents my address or let them visit and I've explained that it's because of the repeated disrespect of my boundaries and relationship. Recently my mom and dad and even my sister have been trying to get in touch after I ignored them over Christmas and New Year. I got a call from my sister two days ago and refused to pick up because sometimes my mom has called me from her number to get to me. I just blocked my parents numbers last night after officially announcing our engagement (their response, silence). I feel both relieved and sad (maybe a bit guilty) but I cannot put up with them any longer. I'm now at the point where I don't have to rely on them for support. I'm still hurt but I feel free.

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