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dynamicZebra2181
14 2,406 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts72 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceMarch 11, 2019
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Loser
Work & Career / by dynamicZebra2181
Last post
 September 11th
...See more I was thinking that if people like me who are just average and very often below average at performing tasks, if we were never born it wouldn't have made even a tiny difference in the world? I'm particularly asking for what worst could have happened if I was never born, except for my mom and dad, like every one in my life all my friends/seniors/colleagues would have found a better alternative of me, why does it matter if I exist or not? It wouldn't matter to anyone except for my mom and dad if I meet a fatal accident tommorow? I have worked hard for so many years, I studied 5 years of law school, did multiple internships across multiple cities, took courses, attended seminars, just to know at the end of the day that 76-80% of the work I do is just average and doesn't make any difference to the institution/senior I work for, I was a below average kid in academics despite studying day and night, I messed up my sleep schedule for life, coz of the constant examinations I gave throughout my academic career, I landed up in a decent office/chamber in a tier 1 city but then after an year of working I realise, that I am just there as a kind of formality, that the work I do is so average, full of errors and lack depth that 70-80% of my work doesn't actually make any difference, that people who joined the field at the same time as me are performing way better than me and have achieved a way lot than me and the funny part is this is the career I chose for myself, this is something I am and I have always been passionate about and now I get to know that I suck in this too, I thought I am bad at academics but I'll perform better at work but hey I suck at work too even after 1 year of *** slogging hard work and dedication, negligible leaves and forced attention for hours upto a point that I have lost my sanity to 24 hrs anxiety but all that for nothing, maybe I'll just remain average/below average despite my 100% efforts, at this point I just wish that all this ends for good
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Still carrying a 5-year-old connection (one sided love) that felt like my first real “seen” moment how do I finally put it down?
Relationship Stress / by dynamicZebra2181
Last post
 September 7th
...See more I’m 24, currently working as a junior lawyer in a tier 1 city in India. I’m sharing this because a part of me still feels stuck, and I could really use some perspective and practical advice. In 2021, during the lockdown, I was 18–19, stuck in my hometown, dealing with depression, PTSD from school bullying, and a lot of academic pressure. I felt invisible and broken. Then I started talking to a girl from college (let’s call her S). She was from a very different background privileged, South Delhi, confident, and socially secure in a way I wasn’t. What started as casual college chat slowly became late-night conversations, voice notes, and emotional check-ins. For the first time, someone listened to me talk about my trauma and still stayed. She said things that made me feel valued. I became deeply attached. Looking back, I was clingy, overshared a lot, and put way too much emotional weight on her. She was kind at first, but gradually pulled away, blocked me at one point, and some private chats got leaked in friend groups. It left me feeling used, humiliated, and like I was “too much.” The class difference was always there. I was the middle-class small-town guy; she was from a completely different world. I think that made me both safer to talk to and easier to discard when things got heavy. Since then, a lot has changed. I moved cities, finished law school, started working in litigation. I’ve grown a lot in confidence and independence. Rationally, I know the connection was uneven and that she was young and emotionally limited too and that one sided feelings never succeed. I’ve accepted that she was never going to stay. But a small part of me still remembers how it felt to be truly listened to for the first time. Sometimes I still wish for just one message or one voice note. I still get dreams about her. When I think about how far I’ve come, a quiet voice still asks, “Would she respect me now?” or “Does she ever feel even a little regret?” I’m not looking to contact her. I unfollowed and removed her years ago. What I’m struggling with is the residual attachment — the longing for that feeling of being seen, and the way it still sometimes affects my self-worth and focus. Has anyone else experienced something similar? A connection that happened when you were extremely vulnerable, that you later outgrew, but still carries emotional weight years later? I’d really appreciate: How you finally let go of that kind of attachment Ways to stop measuring your growth against someone who was never going to stay How to be kinder to the younger version of yourself who clung so hard Anything that helped you feel “enough” without needing external validation from the past
dynamicZebra2181 profile picture
Still carrying a 5-year-old connection (one-sided love) that felt like my first real “seen” moment how do I finally put it down?
Relationship Stress / by dynamicZebra2181
Last post
 September 10th
...See more Hi everyone, I’m 24, currently working as a junior lawyer in a tier 1 city in India. I’m sharing this because a part of me still feels stuck, and I could really use some perspective and practical advice. In 2021, during the lockdown, I was 18–19, stuck in my hometown, dealing with depression, PTSD from school bullying, and a lot of academic pressure. I felt invisible and broken. Then I started talking to a girl from college (let’s call her S). She was from a very different background privileged, South Delhi, confident, and socially secure in a way I wasn’t. What started as casual college chat slowly became late-night conversations, voice notes, and emotional check-ins. For the first time, someone listened to me talk about my trauma and still stayed. She said things that made me feel valued. I became deeply attached. Looking back, I was clingy, overshared a lot, and put way too much emotional weight on her. She was kind and flirty at first, but gradually pulled away, blocked me at one point, and some private chats got leaked in friend groups. It left me feeling used, humiliated, and like I was “too much.” The class difference was always there. I was the middle-class small-town guy; she was from a completely different world. I think that made me both safer to talk to and easier to discard when things got heavy. Since then, a lot has changed. I moved cities, finished law school, started working in litigation, I’ve grown a lot in confidence and independence. Rationally, I know the connection was uneven, one sided feelings are illusionary and never succeed and that she was young and emotionally limited too. I’ve accepted that she was never going to stay. But a small part of me still remembers how it felt to be truly listened to for the first time. Sometimes I still wish for just one message or one voice note. I still get dreams about her. When I think about how far I’ve come, a quiet voice still asks, “Would she respect me now?” or “Does she ever feel even a little regret?” I’m not looking to contact her. I unfollowed and removed her years ago. What I’m struggling with is the residual attachment — the longing for that feeling of being seen, and the way it still sometimes affects my self-worth and focus. Has anyone else experienced something similar? A connection that happened when you were extremely vulnerable, that you later outgrew, but still carries emotional weight years later? I’d really appreciate: How you finally let go of that kind of attachment Ways to stop measuring your growth against someone who was never going to stay How to be kinder to the younger version of yourself who clung so hard Anything that helped you feel “enough” without needing external validation from the past Thank you for reading. I’m open to any honest thoughts or suggestions.
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