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earlysurvival01
1 261 M Embraced 2
Emotionally unstable
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts41 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupTeen Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 30, 2026
Bio

Hello:] I'm trying to heal from childhood traumas and trying to figure my way through emotional instability.

I like learning to play music that i like in my piano and guitar. I like drawing sometimes too^^ 

Recent forum posts
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...
Depression Support / by earlysurvival01
Last post
 March 15th
...See more I'm feeling really suicidal again. It's like I'm stuck in a loop. I get better, then suddenly go back. My parents aren't helping either. I'm an only child and they're pretty much the only one I have because I don't have friends nor relatives I could immediately go to whenever I feel like this. I can never express negative emotions to my parents because they would most probably criticize me and call me or the line of my generation today is weak. I feel like I'm overreacting tbh. I feel like this isn't a big deal. During dinner, I don't really have much of an appetite, and dad was calling me then goes "are you gonna eat or not?!" Then saying "I noticed you've been isolating yourself recently. What in the world could you be stressing out about? What kind of problem do you have going on?!" As if I could tell them anyway. Even if I tell them about it, I'd just hear the same criticism over and over again. Ever since childhood, they'd always call me dramatic, overreacting, and weak. I'm grateful for my parents, really. I love them. But, they make me feel more lonely that I could ever be. They're the two person whose opinions are the ones i mostly care about since it's been like that ever since childhood. Mom is temperamental which made her pinch me almost everywhere, slapped me once, called me useless/worthless, while dad is a very critical person where he tries to analyze me and assume that I'm this or that, yet I still crave for their affection. For their understanding. I love my parents, I really do. But why is it so hard? Am I a bad daughter? I never feel like I do things right because they always tell me that I'm always this or that.. like I'm lazy, weak, or I never do things right. I do well in school and I never once rebelled. I never did bad habits like smoking or drinking too. I try to be a good daughter yet i feel like I'm not one. I feel really lonely. I crave the affection, understanding, and comfort I never got from them. I wish I can be good enough. All I'm thinking about is not existing rn.
earlysurvival01 profile picture
I'm tired.
Depression Support / by earlysurvival01
Last post
 March 28th
...See more I am absolutely not okay, i think. I think that I'm not myself these days. I become calm, yeah, and i regulate my anger, annoyance, and sadness much better. However, I feel like I can't really be happy? Like, my motivation is gone. I feel a bit numb. I'm starting to go numb yet I also feel overstimulated. I am so confused. This is all so confusing. I think I have been distracting myself from thinking, from emotions, from most things. I embraced playing more games, watching movies/series/anime, scrolling though social media, and even chatting with chatbots just to distract myself. I am not what I was before in a bad way. I know there's something wrong and I know there are possible ways to fix it, but I don't know what exactly is wrong. What the specific problem is. Why.. why am I like this? I feel so exhausted. I constantly think about a lot of things such as my own future, life, understanding my parents, understanding myself, academics, my emotions, and everything I could possibly think about. I can't help it. My mind feels so loud that the only think I can do to shut it off is to distract myself and go numb. The thing is, I mostly only realize that I'm shutting myself off and distracting myself once I'm already doing it for weeks, and then it'll be difficult to get back on where I was again. I feel like I'm in a loop.  I'm exhausted.
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Worried
Depression Support / by earlysurvival01
Last post
 February 1st
...See more Today, i feel pretty sad and guilty. I'm supposed to be submitting my performance task in two subjects, but i chose not to. i have 2 missed tasks in a subject and the other subject, i only have one. I've been doing quite well in school and almost all of my subjects so I'm not really that worried that my grades would drop and i would immediately fail. those two subjects i missed with performance tasks and a written task are minor subjects and i don't really need them as much as my major subjects because I'll be choosing the strand STEM in senior highschool. but, i have quite a high sense of responsibility that's making me feel guilty even if most of my scores are high. I'm pretty sure the missing tasks won't affect my grades much. it might get low but i know I won't fail. although, i do worry that teachers might ask me about my missing task in front of the whole class, and well, since I've been pretty much the person who's known to be focused on studies and responsible in class, I'm a bit afraid about it.  i chose to not submit it to give myself a break. but I don't really know what to say to my teachers if they ever ask me abt it in front of the whole class. they might ask a specific reason because some teachers need a reasonable explanation, and some of them sees family problems/stress/feeling unwell as an excuse. especially since i had time to prepare and submit it because there are days off school, but yeah. they don't know that at home, my parents asks me to do tasks randomly like chores or such and i also don't really feel comfortable doing school tasks with them being home.  I feel disappointed with myself to be honest. Even if i try to be kind or nice to myself, i still feel the guilt and disappointment that i cannot do my best of best even if i know that i can do it. I don't know why I can't feel more motivated. I've been less and less motivated lately. I really hate feeling like this:[
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Idk anymore
Depression Support / by earlysurvival01
Last post
 February 1st
...See more  i just woke up a while ago. it was almost 10 am, and my dad woke me up. I'm actually already half-awake since i couldn't really sleep that much cuz i kept hearing or feeling my own heartbeat and it feels so heavy that i couldn't fall back asleep again.Dad was telling me that i overslept again in a firm tone and like idk but the tone wasn't nice or gentle. he said that my muscles will weaken and that I'll physically weaken atp. he doesn't even know that i only got to sleep at 3am.  Tbh, this is why i love being home alone and i get more distant to my parents. I don't feel very happy when I'm with them. I just feel tired and cautious most of the time. Resting would mean I'm slacking off too. They don't really know what's going on about me, yet they analyze me and assume that I'm what they think i am to be. I don't even rebel like sneaking out, being out so late, having bad habits. I do well at school too, yet it feels like it isn't enough for them, which makes me feel like everything i do isn't enough. I love my parents so much, but I also don't feel happy with them at the same time. I considered staying with my aunt who is very supportive, yet i can't because I don't have the courage to be away from my parents for a very long time. Idk why I'm like this. I don't really like how my emotions are. I'm also super emotionally sensitive that i just tear up even if i don't want to, and i also only tear up most of the time when i get mad or frustrated.
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The situation
Depression Support / by earlysurvival01
Last post
 February 8th
...See more I grew up with emotionally unavailable parents. Whenever I express my feelings, they would interrupt me, criticize me, and say that I'm overreacting or weak. I've learned to suppress my feelings ever since childhood. I felt numb and just fully bored with everything and everyone for years. I have gotten out of the situation where I was completely depressed, but I'm still struggling a lot with my mental and emotional health. I get the urges to hurt myself, and I'm honestly worried for myself. I pretty much grew up to handle my own emotions since my parents never really took the time to understand me.  I have high self-awareness but even if I do, I'm struggling to figure it out myself. 
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