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elena01
3 1,898 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts78 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes48 Current upvotes48 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2026 Member sinceJuly 6, 2015
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My dad could get divorced because of me
Family & Caregivers / by elena01
Last post
 January 7th
...See more I will try to summarise this as much as I can, but if it's long, I apologise in advance.  My dad remarried last year, and because I recently graduated, I had to move in with him, his wife, and her kids from her previous marriage (ages 10 and 5) until I find another place. This, however, was taking way too long, and here I am still living with them. Although my relationship with her was initially fine, because my dad and I are super close, she started to feel possessive and territorial over him. So this led her to overcompensate and behave weirdly (inappropriate PDA, bedroom jokes and comments, direct intimacy requests while her kids and I are seated). She also requested that I not hug my dad, sit too close to him or spend a lot of time with him.  At the start, I told myself it's alright, although silly, guess these things happen, so I brushed it off and didn't think much of it, but with time, it started to get increasingly uncomfortable and to be honest, it felt disrespectful. When I started to show that I felt that way, that's when the relationship between her and I started to get bad. She was sticking to the 'my house, my husband, I get to do whatever I want' mentality, while I was stuck on 'in shared spaces, we should all respect each other's boundaries', so as a result of our stubbornness, tension started to grow, and we stopped talking to each other while living under the same roof.  This continued for months, and because it was affecting my dad, I decided to bite the bullet and try to make amends. She, however, was not backing down and tried to continue with her behaviour (ignoring me if I said hi, walking out of any shared space if I walked in).  With time, she felt like she needed to kick me out. Of course, she wouldn't say that clearly, so that she doesn't ruin her relationship with my dad, so she started doing things that she knew would make me uncomfortable while also telling my dad that she can't live comfortably with me in the house. I spoke to my dad about this, and he said that I should not give her any reason or excuse to use against me and to be calm until I move out, which is when he will confront her and strictly lay 'my kids is where I draw the line' kind of speech. The reason for this is to avoid conflict and a confrontation between her and I, which could potentially make things really bad.  So we spent the next few months like this, with her being childish, while I would tolerate. This continued until last night.  I was watching a funny movie, paused and went to get water, came back to my room and played the movie before shutting my bedroom door. A funny scene played, so I laughed and clapped without realising (the house has no sound isolation). They were being intimate at the same time, so she misunderstood and thought that I was clapping at her. Of course, this started a huge argument of her accusing me of starting ***, while my dad was defending me. It escalated, and they reached the point where this could cause them to get divorced.  Although my dad believes that I didn't do this on purpose, he said that I should have been more careful with my actions, generally speaking, since she was waiting for an excuse to use against me. If she was being excessive in the past, she is now trying her best to top that. She started walking around the house with lingerie in front of her kids, being loud, shouting orders, etc. She is also happy about the fact that this created some space between my dad and I.  I never viewed her as an enemy, while all this time she viewed me as this person who was taking her husband (aka my dad) away from her. I understand that small-minded or immature people are not worth having discussions with, but it is so unfair that I am being blamed for something that I did not do. I understand that I was also not perfect. I ignored her on so many occasions, which, yes, was rude, but that was the only thing I did. I never verbally or physically crossed the line and also complied with her requests when she asked that I not get too close to my dad (it was not worth debating).  If things were tense before, it is much worse now. It is so quiet, and everyone is walking around on eggshells because of this. My dad cannot afford to get divorced. It will really destabilise him. And besides that, I do not want him to get divorced either. He has done so much for me and put his life on hold to support me, so I really want him to live his life and have a happy relationship.  I am staying in my room in the meantime to create some space and give everyone time to chill, but also trying my best to rush the moving-out process. Other than that, i dont know what we can do to fix this.  Thoughts? 
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Locked myself in my room - childish?
Anxiety Support / by elena01
Last post
 January 6th
...See more My dad and his wife’s relationship is very overwhelming to me (for many reasons). I locked myself in my room to give myself a break and some space because I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. I did it to ground myself to not explode and say something I won’t mean. But apparently that’s childish…I get how it seems but idk…I don’t have another escape route I can follow
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Dad remarried - wife accusing me
Family & Caregivers / by elena01
Last post
 March 11th, 2025
...See more Background: my dad recently got married. It’s been 4 months now.  The story: I had a stomach ache from something i ate. My dad always told me if I needed something at night to text him or call him or if needed to knock on their bedroom door. They have a mini pharmacy in their room and not else where because there are other kids in the house. At around 1:00 am I went to make myself tea hoping that it would calm my stomach down but the pain became more uncomfortable. It then became 2:00 am. I heard a blow dryer from their room so I thought they were awake and thought it be will quicker and faster to just knock on the door and get a painkiller. His wife answered and she was in a bath robe. You can understand what I mean by saying that. I thought it was too late to turn around now so I asked for a pill. She opened the door of their room and walked in and I assumed it was fine to walk in too. My hands were shaky when I took one pill out so it fell on the floor so I took another one and walked out.  I woke up this morning and my dad was angry. His wife is accusing me of pretending to be sick to see inside their room, that I pretended to take a pill and threw it on the ground, that I walked in uninvited and looked around the room, how they’re shocked that this behavior would come out of a 17 year old and that I should have never knocked on the door of newly married couple.  Before my parents separated they weren’t living like every other couple. They were living like roommates so my sister and I would just walk in and out or knock on the door so there are new things that I’m learning from this marriage like what the boundaries are. Consider me naive with this stuff.  As for why I didn’t call or text. I don’t know it didn’t pop into my head. I thought they were still awake and that knocking would be faster.  My dad is already telling me that he’s tried defending me so many times in front of his wife because of my mood swings (they’re stress related) and that I ruined the picture that he has tried painting of me in front of his wife and how she could start acting petty now and treat me badly if I keep doing this as if I done it on purpose?  I feel like it’s not fair because if it was her daughter knocking on the door it wouldn’t have brought the same response or reaction
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Update: dad and his wife
Family & Caregivers / by elena01
Last post
 February 15th, 2025
...See more I wasn’t feeling very well because of a stomach ache and both my dad and his wife knew that. I looked clearly tired the whole day and was taking medicine and placing heating pads for some comfort. My dad usually leaves his phone turned on in case I needed anything. At night I vomited and was feeling really shaky and needed help so I texted him and his phone was switched off. A few moments later I hear them being physically intimate. Im upset that the one time I needed help from my dad, he wasn’t there. Do I have the right to be upset about this? Am I being too much? 
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Dad re-married, how to settle? Feel comfortable?
Family & Caregivers / by elena01
Last post
 February 14th, 2025
...See more my dad loves his now wife. We live together with her kids as well (ages 3 and 9). To my dad, this is now home. He’s comfortable and has adapted to this new lifestyle. Me on the other hand feel the opposite. I feel like I’m living with strangers so it’s not easy to feel comfortable. I’ve only been living with them for 3 months which isn’t long at all but I don’t know anything about his wife. She’s been dedicating all her time to my dad so there wasn’t any chance to talk to her. All of our conversations are short. She wouldn’t really initiate any conversation with me or approach me first, I would have to do that. I would give her the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe she’s worried that I feel uncomfortable with her, they’re newly weds so of course she wants to spend all of her time with my dad etc but not feeling included as much makes me feel like they’re a “happy family” and I’m the odd one out. I’ve spoken to my dad about it but he says I’m doing this to myself and that I shouldn’t wait for an invitation to a conversation or a hang out and that in order for it to feel like home I should act like it is my home. What can I do? When will I feel comfortable? Does it take long?
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Dad and his new wife making me uncomfortable
Family & Caregivers / by elena01
Last post
 February 7th, 2025
...See more So my dad remarried and I moved in with him and his wife. She has two kids from her previous marriage (ages 3 and 9). My dads wife is nice and all but her only issue is the excessive physical / intimate needs. This makes her touch my dad a lot and sometimes inappropriately even when I'm there or in public. She keeps flaunting her love bites/hickies and doesn't evenly try to lower her voice when they are being intimate physically. our rooms are next to each other and hearing them makes me uncomfortable. I find it hard to live comfortably in a place that's suppose to be home. I stay in my room most of the time so that I don't see or hear anything and I find it unfair that I feel trapped just because of her actions l understand everyone has needs and all that but must it really be known when they're being intimate? I feel awkward, weird and grossed out.
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