ewranch01 Member Profile

...See more I’m in my early 50s and have been in a long-term marriage since 1999. Over the past 4+ years, the relationship has become completely sexless and emotionally disconnected. There has been zero intimacy — not just sex, but no closeness, no physical affection, not even simple things like kissing or genuine cuddling. At first, I thought it was just a phase or maybe health-related. I have serious health issues (Type 2 diabetes, major heart problems, multiple surgeries including a quadruple bypass), and I assumed maybe that changed how I was seen. But it kept getting worse. Eventually, I found out my partner was sharing thoughts and feelings with someone else — but not with me. When I brought it up, the response was that they didn’t want to add to my stress. That felt like a lie or an excuse. It made me feel invisible — like I wasn’t even the person they turned to anymore. They’ve said they don’t kiss because it reminds them of sex. They sleep fully covered, wrapped in their own blankets, and even when they allow me to cuddle, it feels like I’m holding a body pillow — not a person. That kind of rejection cuts deep. ------------------------- What Might Be Causing This: There’s a lot of unaddressed trauma involved: * Past physical and sexual abuse * Deep guilt over a declining parent with dementia * Signs of severe depression * Emotional withdrawal and avoidance They refuse therapy, saying “what if it’s a waste of money and doesn’t help?” But it’s already been over 4 years of doing nothing — and that’s helped even less. When I try to talk about it, I get short answers or silence. I’ve begged just to feel seen again, to be close again. Still nothing. I’ve tried: * Being patient * Offering help, love, therapy, and space * Staying loyal through years of being neglected * Explaining my pain calmly and clearly But nothing changes. It’s like I’m screaming into a void. ------------------------- Where I’m At Right Now: I’m done — physically, emotionally, mentally. I said recently that something inside me just snapped. Not out of rage. Out of exhaustion. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think. I just want to lie in bed and cuddle a pillow — not because I’m weird, but because it’s the only comfort I have left. A pillow won’t reject me. It won’t flinch. It just lets me exist without expectation. Just to be clear: I’m not suicidal. When I say I “want to sleep forever,” I mean I want peace — a break from the noise, the rejection, the pretending, the weight. ------------------------- Why I’m Here: I need someone to talk to. Not someone to “fix” me. Not someone to throw positivity at me. I need someone to see me — because I feel like I’m vanishing inside a life that doesn’t love me back. If you’ve read this far, thank you. If you relate, I’m open to hearing it. If you don’t have advice but you’re willing to just sit in this silence with me for a bit, I’ll take that too. I’m not here for pep talks. I’m here because I’ve carried this too long on my own.

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