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faeXstoleXmyXname
1 85 M Embraced
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2025 Member sinceMay 21, 2025
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Out with the old
Trauma Support / by faeXstoleXmyXname
Last post
 May 23rd, 2025
...See more The world was corrupted long before I was born. My mother is constantly spiritually attacking me because I'm trying to let go of the old programming and she wants to hold on. I try to get her to work on herself but it would be too painful for her to accept that she has done wrong and needs to change things and let go of the old system. I have no door in my room. I can't go far because I'm disabled. And I have to come back because I have nowhere else to go. The whole world is stuck in negative programs. My existence makes people mad. I haven't done anything wrong. They want me to be a slave. They collect money by putting me on their taxes but won't give me the bare minimum respect that a human deserves. I was meditating but then I'd have to leave when she yells. I was smoking but then I had to stop when I noticed the government was lacing all the weed I don't want that. I bike up to the store for healthy food and yogurts. I listen to music I like and binaural beats to sleep. I've been journaling and dream journaling. I make plans to go to Japan that I probably won't get to visit but it makes me happy. I walk her dog sometimes but she even yells at me for that. I've been sitting at the beach at night. Sitting at parks and libraries. Reading books. Watching helpful tiktoks. I stopped playing video games because I see everyone I play with is stuck in the old programming. I pick up trash. I take pictures of the bunnies and bugs and stuff I've seen. I've sat down and talked with the trees. I've done a mere reflection spell to get mother to think about her actions. I've made charms to keep on me. But the world keeps pushing me to take part in their play. I don't want to be a part of it. I want to help people but they don't want help so it feels like I should do nothing and be at peace. But I think I just make people mad because they're not ready and I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to know in the perfect way that they want to know it at a time that's convenient for them. Not suicidal. I killed myself once already. I'm afraid I can't die. Why wouldn't they let me go. Just to watch me squirm more?
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