Out with the old
The world was corrupted long before I was born. My mother is constantly spiritually attacking me because I'm trying to let go of the old programming and she wants to hold on. I try to get her to work on herself but it would be too painful for her to accept that she has done wrong and needs to change things and let go of the old system. I have no door in my room. I can't go far because I'm disabled. And I have to come back because I have nowhere else to go. The whole world is stuck in negative programs. My existence makes people mad. I haven't done anything wrong. They want me to be a slave. They collect money by putting me on their taxes but won't give me the bare minimum respect that a human deserves.
I was meditating but then I'd have to leave when she yells. I was smoking but then I had to stop when I noticed the government was lacing all the weed I don't want that. I bike up to the store for healthy food and yogurts. I listen to music I like and binaural beats to sleep. I've been journaling and dream journaling. I make plans to go to Japan that I probably won't get to visit but it makes me happy. I walk her dog sometimes but she even yells at me for that. I've been sitting at the beach at night. Sitting at parks and libraries. Reading books. Watching helpful tiktoks. I stopped playing video games because I see everyone I play with is stuck in the old programming. I pick up trash. I take pictures of the bunnies and bugs and stuff I've seen. I've sat down and talked with the trees. I've done a mere reflection spell to get mother to think about her actions. I've made charms to keep on me. But the world keeps pushing me to take part in their play. I don't want to be a part of it. I want to help people but they don't want help so it feels like I should do nothing and be at peace. But I think I just make people mad because they're not ready and I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to know in the perfect way that they want to know it at a time that's convenient for them.
Not suicidal. I killed myself once already. I'm afraid I can't die. Why wouldn't they let me go. Just to watch me squirm more?
@faeXstoleXmyXname
I believe reality was born from darkness so it's naturally embedded in everything. It's the reason you see distorted thinking in people.
You clearly want to help, and I believe you're doing the right things but being met with resistance. You're trying to engage in collaborative reflection with people that don't have open minds and honest hearts so they cannot participate. And when you do try, it may only enhance the darkness because distorted thinking not only halts progress, it rewinds it.
There was bound to be a situation like this in the infinite possibility of reality. A kind hearted and honest person surrounded by people who cannot relate/reflect. It's not your fault. I'm glad you're here, talking, because you make me feel less alone. I relate to your story.
It's not your responsibility to sacrifice yourself for others who won't appreciate you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to help people. You just have to have patience and perhaps refine your strategy. For, each communication is a learning opportunity for all involved. It's only a matter of time before the brain picks up on patterns of shadow and chooses to break the cycle. The fact you're calling attention to their behaviour is already likely making them question things.
You can't force people into the light. You have to gently guide them there. Trust your intuition and you will go far.