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ffruitcup
220 M Embraced 2
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceApril 9, 2021
Bio

“this too shall pass”, i’m still holding onto that.

Recent forum posts
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tw/ sa trauma
Journals & Diaries / by ffruitcup
Last post
 November 11th, 2021
...See more i’ve begun another relationship, we’ve been dating for three months, but it still itches at the back of my neck at times. that feeling of bugs crawling under your skin. i can’t help but wonder if there’s some part of me that’s broken, in need of system maintenance, or if maybe this is how i’ve always been. i want to heal, i want to so badly, but it’s like there’s a part of me that turned this trauma into its own separate entity. it sits next to me, sometimes i don’t notice that it’s there, other times, it’s presence is so overbearing. i’m not sure how i’m supposed to be in a relationship like this, but i know that if i talked to him about it, he would be so understanding. we’d been friends for a long time before we started dating, i know he’s such a nice guy but… i just can’t. im almost jealous of the s/a stories where person A tells person B their story and it’s such an emotional moment, i wish i could have that. unfortunately, every time i’ve wanted to bring it up with someone, i have to ask myself “which one?”, “which person?”. it’s complicated, i’m jealous of how they make it look in tv shows and movies. in reality, it’s incredibly rough at the edges and it’s never as simple. i don’t know how i’m supposed to heal from this. i’ve ignored it for so long, but that also means that i’ve been letting it affect me for as long and it’s draining. not just for me, but the people around me. i am riddled with depression constantly because deep down, i can feel this feeling sinking it’s claws deep into my core. it’s never going to go away, it’s never going to leave me. will i never be able to fully accept it? even after all this time, i still can’t truly believed that it happened to me, so i don’t feel it until i do, that’s when it hurts the most. anyways, i just want to make my incredibly amazing boyfriend happy, but i’m struggling to do it right now because i’m struggling. why is life so complicated?
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icebreaker :)
Self-Harm Recovery / by ffruitcup
Last post
 November 19th, 2021
...See more name: alaska pronounss: she/they :) fav color: forest green i love mcyt & i’m majoring in game design :)
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