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firedupcashew
299 M Embraced 2
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceMay 30, 2020
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Can�t feel emotion suicidal thought everyday need advice?
Depression Support / by firedupcashew
Last post
 June 2nd, 2020
...See more I'm youngish about 25 and this post is going to be pretty badly written as I don't want to take too much time or my girlfriend might get suspicious she's already noticing a change in my behavior. I'm not happy. Not because of her but I can't feel happiness I feel like I can't remember the last time I was actually happy as my whole life I've felt numb. Everyday since I was a kid I ponder suicide nearly everyday or at least I can't remember a day without it in my mind with only a few attempts in my lifetime. I know I want to live because I've never been able to do actually end my life but what's wrong with me? I don't feel any emotion except anger and sadness and what I can only describe as hollow. Is this normal? I have always felt like this so I can't tell if it isn't. What do I do? I know everyone has said therapy but I can't even bring myself to call suicide hotline I call let the robot talk to me and then I wimp out and hang up.. I don't know if I'm depressed. I don't know if I'm okay but I just don't know anything really. I'm not sure if anyone feels this but it just feels better to write this.
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