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firepassion
1 274 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2025 Member sinceApril 30, 2025
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Filing for support....?
Relationship Stress / by firepassion
Last post
 November 30th, 2025
...See more I think i need a pep talk. I dont know whats holding me back for filing for support for my daughter. Its been a few months since we moved out. The financial support from her father has been 1) not enough 2) inconsistent. I dont understand how someone thinks they can choose how much to financially support their child when I dont have a choice. His first child has an order and receives regular payments, why cant his second child have the same structure? Tax season is coming up, he told me he made certain changes that seems to affect his income (less now). Why now? He doesn't bother to ask me about our daughter's life either unless i volunteer information. I refuse to give him personal emotional support/ attention, i think its inappropriate. Im not obligated anymore (still married) to comfort him about his nightmares or long drives on the road, his choices in life are his and not my problem anymore. No I dont think we can be friends, too much has happened. I just want to share our daughters life with him but he doesnt seem interested in initiating conversations about his daughter or coparenting conversations period.. Ive told him i would always allow video chats phone calls during the week before bedtime because shes in school but he barely reaches out. His hurt feelings shouldnt be taken out on our coparenting relationship and essentially his relationship with his daughter. Whats he going to do when I file for divorce? He didnt want to continue in this marriage and wanted to be coparents. So i gave him that and now hes upset? I dont argue with him and Im not interested in what he is doing with his life because my priority is rebuilding mine and my daughter's life. Its a miracle if he actually does a full weekend visitation every other week because hes always trying to shorten it or change weekends etc. If a serious change is needed I have no problem discussing it and coming to a fair solution. I feel that visitation time with your child is to maintain consistency for her and the parent, not to be changed to fit around your lifestyle and last minute changes because a friend asked you for a favor. How much longer is he going to be minimally involved in her life? At what point does this get better?
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Finally did it...
Relationship Stress / by firepassion
Last post
 October 28th, 2025
...See more Finally moved out with our daughter last month after an uncomfortable summer living with my stbx/coparent. I dont expect or even want reconciliation at this point. I will never trust him again and it's not worth it to risk my mental health. I think im trying to figure out how to rebuild and live my life now. My daughter is in school, I work full time. My primary focus now has always been getting logistics down when it comes to a consistent parenting schedule, reasonable child support & divorce. I never thought I'd get divorced. Hes so bitter toward me when hes the one who wanted to be coparents. He still expects me to cater to his feelings and lifestyle and gets upset and petty with me when I dont. Maybe hes used to it after the last 8 years together. Im relieved that I dont have to bite my tongue anymore, I feel I can express myself now without worrying about backlash because I finally dont care what he thinks of me. I feel he's already done the worst he could ever do. He threw his family away because he wanted to be with someone "easier". He wants what he cant give. Things like peace, respect, loyalty, transparency & committment. I feel I have prioritized his needs & his other coparenting dynamics long enough. He admitted my needs were not his priority and that was one of the last straws that broke the camels back. He cheated on me for years and never truly stopped but said he "did his best". Anything to avoid accountability. One day hes going to understand that what he did really was that bad. I did consultations with divorce attorneys I have one in mind that Im pretty sure I want to move forward with. Just have to save up money for the uncontested divorce but thats pretty difficult to do when my stbx does not provide enough money to support our daughter. He keeps telling me he is up to his eats in bills...... like I dont have bills either? Im tired of hearing his excuses. He tried swapping weekends for a trip out of state to see family.... how does he have the time for that? Am I wrong for wanting to seek full child support? My only other concern is how this will affect my daughter's half sister. That other coparenting relationship he has has always been full or drama and secrets. Idk what to be prepared for at this point.
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Im all ears.....
Relationship Stress / by firepassion
Last post
 August 29th, 2025
...See more Ive had those free consultations for divorce in NY. I feel so overwhelmed with the information. My STBX is not as financially responsible as he let on. During our difficult time he did a lot of wreckless spending (cars, games... sex workers) but "he fell for a scam" 🙄. We even argued for a while about reviewing the finances. And still, til this day, he has not shared his banking information. I just thought that our money was our money & with all our debt I needed to understand where the money went. Im usually the responsible one. We sold one of our cars too so im just not understanding... I have a great job now. I am by no means looking for more than whats fair, but we have a young child to support & my child and I had to move from the home we shared with my STBX. He proposed a fixed amount of child support "indefinitely", is the word he chose, I told him i wasn't agreeing to it until I know what my expenses will be. (Note: he has the same amount of child support payment for his first child that has not been updated in 7 years). I told him when we first separated (few months ago) that I'd rather an attorney deal with the paperwork. All he wrote back was"ok" and went on living his life having a great summer. His behaviors at home have been toxic (blaming me for him stepping out etc) so I dont engage in conversation unless it has to do with our daughter. Moving day is coming up soon. I dont even know where to start after my daughter and I are moved out. Im a first time mom & this is my first marriage..... any advice?
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Rebuilding continued.....
Relationship Stress / by firepassion
Last post
 May 27th, 2025
...See more So I need to sell my wedding band & engagement ring, his suggestion, since I need to leave because he plans on staying in the current apt (he has another daughter w/ her own room). I plan on selling a couple of necklaces too. But the main reason is that I need start up money basically for my own apartment for myself & our daughter we had together. Im in NYC area & dont know anything about how to get the maximum value. Theres an apt available likely June 1st in my brother's apt building so I'll have family support. As for the ring set, it'sa Neil Lane set & he paid a lot for it. Thanks everyone for any advice & suggestions.
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Rebuilding
Relationship Stress / by firepassion
Last post
 May 13th, 2025
...See more Reaching out again to hear any advice anyone may have on starting single parenthood. I (the mom) have a toddler. I have a remote job & need to figure out housing, daycare & everything that comes with coparenting. Sucks that I'm writing this a day before Mother's Day but maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I asked God to show me & he did. So any suggestions I'd appreciate, thanks in advance 💔
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In couples therapy....
Relationship Stress / by firepassion
Last post
 May 3rd, 2025
...See more Currently in couples therapy. We are married (i think we still are lol) 6 years this month, together for 8 years. A few days after our daughter turned 9 months old (in 2023) I found out my spouse had been calling sex workers since earlier that year.... or so I thought. When I started to look for more information I found out he had been calling them since about 2021. The big argument happened and he asked for a second chance. I told him if it wasnt for our daughter it would be over completely. Just a note, During postpartum I wasn't in the best of health because of pre-diabetes, major depression & 20 lbs weight loss. I had absolutely no emotional & barely any physical support. I felt terrible. I had also discovered at the the time that he had been following pages on social media, on Twitter, browsing sex worker websites, etc. He was emotionally & possibly physically stepping out for almost 3 years into the marriage it seems. All the signs were there & he always denied anything was going on. I also saw a $500 screenshot to a female & he claims it was a prostitute but because he was scammed/threatened. He says this person took images off his social media of me (while I was pregnant) & his first daughter & demanded money or else. It sounds like *** to me. I asked to see the banking statements from the time he called these sex workers but he came up with excuses, said he was embarrassed to show me & then just stopped listening to me whenever I bring it up. He swears up & down he never had sex with any of them. So for the past 2 years he's been practicing avoidance, continues to be emotionally distant & during the first sessions of couples therapy i found out he had been texting his female friend who is also married..... after I had asked him to stop 2 years ago because I was uncomfortable with it. I was uncomfortable because He deleted all their messages EVERYWHERE & had seemingly platonic pictures of her (ie and old high-school prom picture) but also a *** video where she's fluffing her hair? He said they were talking about their hair because he grew his out..... just every excuse. When I find out that he has been texting her for 3rd time now after i had asked him to stop, it was a meme about a man being the little spoon & the woman the big spoon & a 😘 that he sent to her. He said the emoji was a friendly kiss. So i asked him if i did that how he would feek & if he cant understand it looks completely wrong? Then an accident bc he was texting her quickly (so that I wouldn't notice) & pressed the wrong emoji. So I text this woman "Hey Angelique, This is ____'s wife. What's been going on between you and him all this time? Truth time." Think I got a response from her? Of course not, But guess who DID get a message, my spouse. Now, for the record, I have NEVER messaged another woman IN MY LIFE over a man asking for "the truth". I'm not the harassing type & that was already humiliating enough. I never messaged her again just to be clear. But all of a sudden the next day my spouse comes to me all softened & answered all my questions about his relationship with her. He's calling it a friendship from like 10 years ago, never met in person just they know mutual people. That they had things in common at the time, trying to start a family, covid vaccine nonsense, politics, how he admired her marriage & in the past he even made a snide comment that he wishes we could be more like them etc. He seemed more worried about ruining her marriage / causing issues vs the state of our own marriage....... i told him If he wanted her in his life as his friend to just lmk, he said no as if it wasnt that important. So i asked him "Whats so hard about it then?" And no response. Then I noticed he deleted the message again with her & blocked her. So I unblocked her, I wanted to see what would happen. And sure enough my spouse texts me asking if I unblocked her & I told him the truth. & he showed me the message she wrote said something like good morning & that we (my spouse & I) would be alright. I asked him why she felt comfortable texting him STILL after what JUST happened? No reasonable response that I can remember. And so he showed me he sent her a message that he wishes her family well & their communicating wasnt good for his marriage. She wrote back that she understood. Afterward he mentioned he felt embarrassed having to do that... and i asked why? & he said because he felt like a scum bag.......... so here I am. Because I can't tell my family, they will eviscerate him, I can't tell my friends because I'm embarrassed and the only person I've been able to tell is the couples therapist about 1.5 weeks ago (he wasnt present for the session). Since I've told her I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. I found myself feeling light taking up yoga again which I love. But at the same time I felt like I was walking on eggshells because "i told on him". During the sessions we've had so far he's told me the things i ask for/ that are important to him are "just not on my mind" and he said "not a priority". I stopped wearing my ring after that. Then we got into another argument & he said he wanted to be coparents & stopped wearing his ring. He still acts like a roommate, tries for physical intimacy. We have a mutual friends wedding coming up & idk wth is going on. So twice i just beat around the bush. Id like to know if he wanted to take someone else. I asked if he was still my husband & he said yeah & started muttering that I had him thinking a million things during our argument. And another day i asked if he still wanted me to go to the wedding and he said yes. We haven't had another session yet but it's scheduled. I just don't see the point anymore. I just needed to vent since I dont have anyone else to really open up to. I just want peace. I wish i had a marriage where I knew I could trust my spouse & where I can feel respected & appreciated. The therapist said to try and focus of providing the things he said he wanted in a marriage and see if it changes things. She acknowledged my anger & how hard it is to hide my resentment & anger toward him & we will address his behavior with the sex workers in therapy. Ive been doing what she advised (just a week or so now) it but i don't see any difference in him. He still acts like a roommate, no interest in my thoughts or feelings, still busies himself with his phone & other things, still avoiding any emotional intimacy. I just don't know how much longer I can take of this. And I'm just thinking of quitting couples therapy. It's just too many juvenile games.
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