flowersandmeadows Member Profile

...See more I've never really posted much here before, but I'm struggling. I feel so alone, depressed, and it feels like there's a wall of anxiety around me whenever I think of trying to do something. I'm not sure how to face it, or even what all the emotional pain is or where it comes from, and I keep seeking distractions, which not only means I feel worse but I'm also watching years of my life wasted, just sitting at home distracting myself with books or food or organizing and reorganizing my space or something I momentarily hyperfocus on, because doing much else brings up intense pain and/or anxiety. I sometimes get bursts of motivation to try change and actually work on my stuff or sit with my feelings or try take steps to do something more with my life, but very quickly I fall back into my old patterns. It's also more complex because I have a chronic illness that limits me a lot and is currently preventing me from working, and also a tonne of dissociation. I do go to therapy and I believe in Jesus and He's the only reason I have any hope right now, but I'm just not sure how to change and I'm feeling a bit angry with myself for continually failing to sustain any good habits or anything I try starting. Also questioning if I have adhd, but I'm not sure, and I can't afford an assessment. Anyway thank you to anyone who stuck with reading this long post!

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