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forcefulJar2069
1 695 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts67 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceAugust 4, 2025
Bio

Mentally: spiraling. Emotionally: attached to all the wrong people. Socially: pretending I’m fine. Spiritually: talking to strangers online because I can’t talk to the people in my life. I’m not looking for a therapist or a savior—just a decent human who gets that life can be stupidly hard sometimes. Bonus points if you’re chill, sarcastic, or good at listening.

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Loving two people, losing myself
General Support / by forcefulJar2069
Last post
 August 5th, 2025
...See more I never thought I’d be the girl with a secret. But here I am, stuck between the boy I built my life with… and the one who held me when it all fell apart. I’ve been in a relationship for years. He’s been my best friend, my constant, my home. We had a rough patch some time ago because I cheated on him. I told him the truth. We broke. And somehow… we still found our way back. But the person I cheated with didn’t just disappear. He was someone I saw almost every day. At first, I thought it was just a mistake. A moment. But we kept seeing each other. And somewhere in the mess, we both caught feelings. We know there’s no future. There’s too much standing in our way. But that hasn’t stopped the way he hugs me. Kisses my forehead. Asks if I’m really okay. My boyfriend and I have been long distance for a while now. He thinks I have somehow fixed myself and our relationship. He believes me when I smile. But every night, I’m crying myself to sleep. Living a double life. Slowly losing myself. Therapy helped with the anxiety, but not the heartbreak. I’ve self-harmed. I’ve lied. I’ve wanted to disappear. And yet—I still wake up, still go to work, still send “I’m fine” texts like clockwork. Some days I want to tell him everything and just ask him to hold me. Other days, I feel like I don’t even deserve kindness. I don’t know how to choose between comfort and truth. Between safety and silence. If you’ve ever loved two people at once, you’ll understand: It’s not about sex. It’s about who makes you feel seen. Who makes you feel safe. Who reminds you you’re still human. I don’t know how this story ends. I just know I’m tired. Tired of lying. Tired of hiding. Tired of hating myself for wanting something that makes me feel alive. If you’ve read this far—don’t judge me. Just… sit with me for a second. Because I don’t need advice. I don’t need punishment. I just need someone to say: “I get it. And you’re not a monster.”
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