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frailtea
1 1,006 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 183 Compassion hearts38 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes18 Current upvotes18 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 27, 2017
Bio

I am 30, and chronically ill. I have fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic fatigue syndrome, POTS, endometriosis, anxiety, depression, and several other less prominent chronic illnesses.

I love to play video games, read, and my cat charlie. My fiance is my rock.

I find I battle with self-esteem issues, agitation, and depressive episodes. I am doing my best to work through these with CBT and mindfulness.

Recent forum posts
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Am I a bad person and unaware of it? Or just anxious and paranoid?
Anxiety Support / by frailtea
Last post
 March 2nd, 2017
...See more I feel like everyone hates me, or that I'm a bad person. It has been a recurring thought lately in my mind. I have been dealing with severe chronic illness for the past few years, but before that I was very active and had lots of friends. Obviously, people who were not 'true' friends did not stick by me and have since left my life. I've made peace with that. But lately, I feel like there is something everyone hates about me that I can't see on my own. I don't feel like I have a support system outside of my family and boyfriend. Everyone seems distant, and not including me in activities. One side of me strongly believes that it's not abnormal because I AM sick and don't participate in activities 99% of the time, and am rather introverted so I don't seek active attention anyway from anyone except my boyfriend. But the anxious, paranoid part of me is convinced that I am secretly an awful person and everyone hates me. It is so difficult to battle these thoughts. I'm a very honest person; what you see is what you get. I don't mess around and I will talk to you directly if I have a problem with you. I tend to believe that most people are like this too even though I know deep down I'm just being hopeful. I don't have the energy to lie or start any sort of drama. I like my mellow life. I can definitely be a bit judgmental, but it is really hard to not be when you live your life as an observer of society rather than an active member. But it's not like I am voicing these opinions to them unless they ask for my opinion. Maybe I am projecting these icky inner judgments onto others and assuming they're doing the same to me? Does anyone have any ideas on how I can work through this? How can I see if I am indeed being a crappy person? Or how can I convince myself that I am not? Thank you for reading and for your time.
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