Am I a bad person and unaware of it? Or just anxious and paranoid?
I feel like everyone hates me, or that I'm a bad person. It has been a recurring thought lately in my mind. 
I have been dealing with severe chronic illness for the past few years, but before that I was very active and had lots of friends. Obviously, people who were not 'true' friends did not stick by me and have since left my life. I've made peace with that. But lately, I feel like there is something everyone hates about me that I can't see on my own. I don't feel like I have a support system outside of my family and boyfriend. Everyone seems distant, and not including me in activities. One side of me strongly believes that it's not abnormal because I AM sick and don't participate in activities 99% of the time, and am rather introverted so I don't seek active attention anyway from anyone except my boyfriend. But the anxious, paranoid part of me is convinced that I am secretly an awful person and everyone hates me. It is so difficult to battle these thoughts.
I'm a very honest person; what you see is what you get. I don't mess around and I will talk to you directly if I have a problem with you. I tend to believe that most people are like this too even though I know deep down I'm just being hopeful. I don't have the energy to lie or start any sort of drama. I like my mellow life. I can definitely be a bit judgmental, but it is really hard to not be when you live your life as an observer of society rather than an active member. But it's not like I am voicing these opinions to them unless they ask for my opinion. Maybe I am projecting these icky inner judgments onto others and assuming they're doing the same to me?
Does anyone have any ideas on how I can work through this? How can I see if I am indeed being a crappy person? Or how can I convince myself that I am not?
Thank you for reading and for your time.
@frailtea
Hi there
Thank you for sharing this. Im sorry to hear you feel like everyone hates you and that you are a bad person. I can imagine that these are difficult thoughts to be thinking. There not nice at all. I have never met you but from this post you sound like a nice person, who is going through a difficult time with Anxiety and Severe Chronic illness.
You mentioned that before you got sick you were very active and had lots of friends, but when you got stick this changed, you werent as active as much and you lost friends. Its sad when you get sick you find out who your true friends really are, it happened to me and it felt horrible, but in a way, it made me stronger because now I only have a small group of friends who I know care about me.
You did mention that there is a part of you that thinks people are distant from you because since you are sick you dont participate in activities 99% of the time and you are introverted. (Me too :D) I can imagine that when you were not sick you didnt have any problems with people asking you to join in? Have you ever thought that because people know you are sick, they know you wont join in with the activities so they wont ask you to join? Its a little like if you have friends who always ask you to go out shopping with them, if you keep saying no, eventually they will stop asking because they know you will say no, and this doesnt at all mean they hate you or you have done something wrong it just means that they know that you probably are going to say no.
If I was in your situation I would try to do more things with people, so maybe have a movie night with a couple of people go to the cinema, talk with people on the phone, arrange a trip to your shopping centre, its things like these that can really help you build bonds with people again and I think doing this would also help you with these thoughts you are having. With convincing yourself that you are not a Crappy Person, I think this is more about your self-esteem and how you see yourself as a person a way to possible make you feel good about yourself is write a list of all the things you like about yourself, and again if you start doing more things with people your self-esteem will increase.
Hope this helps a little
Take care