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geneticllama3333
1 95 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceJune 22, 2022
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The urges jumped limbs
Self-Harm Recovery / by geneticllama3333
Last post
 January 31st, 2023
...See more TW: (P.s. sorry I’m having a mental breakdown and I’m high so this may be word jumble.) I used to love cutting up my thighs. Like for some reason the spot just felt perfect and I did it without another thought, but after being clean for a little while I suddenly realized I was repulsed by just the idea of cutting those specific spots on my thighs. I thought that was a blessing, and it meant I would just stop, but then deep down I know I also really didn’t want to stop. And I just had really intense urges to cut my arms instead. And I can’t make the thoughts stop. But I also won’t cut my arms because they are in such an obvious place that my family and friends would see. And I can’t have that. But the urges are still there and it’s so conflicting and I don’t know how to make it stop.
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I was 200 days clean. Now I’m not.
Self-Harm Recovery / by geneticllama3333
Last post
 January 7th, 2023
...See more I just reached 200 days. And I didn’t even rly have the URGE URGE to cut, just the general thinking about the fact that I could. But I barely even thought about it. And then I got my own dab pen today. I had taken hits off my friends before and I had felt previously the urge to cut when I’m high. I’m actualy high rn so this may me mumbo jumbo but anyway. I think it’s the feeling that when I’m sober I’m only leered away by the pain of it, but when I’m high I can’t feel that pain as much. Last time I thought that smoking on my own without friends there to keep me from actually doing anything was dangerous, but at the same time I think I wanted to be able to cut again deep down. anyway, now I’m 0 days clean and I don’t know how to feel.
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I can’t help myself
Self-Harm Recovery / by geneticllama3333
Last post
 June 24th, 2022
...See more I know In concept that it’s rly bad. And when other people do it, I always try my best to help them and convince them to stop because I know how bad it is but for some reason when it’s me it’s just so different. It just kind of feels like it’s no big deal for some reason even though I know it is. I have this feeling that I always want to do it, and when I get upset it’s not that I have an urge to do it more than normal but as if being upset is validating myself to do it. Giving me a reason because I do know it’s bad. i only started this last year, but it was while it was still cold, and now it’s starting to heat up and soon I’ll need to switch to shorts. But the thought of wearing shorts and risking them riding up to accidentally show my family and friends all the cuts on my thighs is making me so stressed. And being stressed is making me want to do it more.
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