The urges jumped limbs

TW:

(P.s. sorry I’m having a mental breakdown and I’m high so this may be word jumble.)

I used to love cutting up my thighs. Like for some reason the spot just felt perfect and I did it without another thought, but after being clean for a little while I suddenly realized I was repulsed by just the idea of cutting those specific spots on my thighs. I thought that was a blessing, and it meant I would just stop, but then deep down I know I also really didn’t want to stop. And I just had really intense urges to cut my arms instead. And I can’t make the thoughts stop. But I also won’t cut my arms because they are in such an obvious place that my family and friends would see. And I can’t have that. But the urges are still there and it’s so conflicting and I don’t know how to make it stop.