goldenHouse1548 Member Profile

...See more How do you escape and abusive relationship...when you are all alone, and this is all you know. For the past 15 years I have been subjected to abuse. Verbal, emotional, physical. I have never told anyone, until the other day I made the biggest mistake and hinted to a "friend" that this is what is going on. Needless to say things are awkward and we hardly speak anymore...a call for help has lead to more isolation. Then you meet someone, and they are amazing. Nothing physically happened, but it felt like my soul was finally at ease. What do I do, I push this person away...why...why drag someone you love through all this mess. A relationship I cannot escape from, why? Fear? Told my abuser a few months ago that I would rather d** then be with him. His response" that is fine, because I love you" I have had bruises everywhere, and no one has ever asked what happened, not even when I had stitches in my face. No one cares. No one offers to help. When the kids do badly in a test, or forget about a project I am blamed. I am called names, threatened and pushed around. I get shouted and screamed out. When I say I cant anymore I want to leave him, I get told I am evil. The abuse is happening because i provoke him. I am soly responsible for paying all the bills, and when he does help pay a bill I am made to feel bad for not being able to pay all the bills. I pretend to be this strong independent women, that has her shit together. Meanwhile I am dying inside. I am lonely, scared, fearful for when the next out burst is going to happen. Why am I not enough, why isnt there someone who wants to protect me instead of hurt me. My dad abused us, my mom did nothing. Why do I have to go through this. I pray all the time asking God to show me a way and help me through this. What lesson am I supposed to learn out of this. That I am going to be alone, no friends, beaten up. Worthless. Is this normal. Maybe this is love. I can't anymore, I dont know what to do. I want to leave him, but have no support system. I am alone. I am stuck. Forever.

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