All in my head
How do you escape and abusive relationship...when you are all alone, and this is all you know. For the past 15 years I have been subjected to abuse. Verbal, emotional, physical. I have never told anyone, until the other day I made the biggest mistake and hinted to a "friend" that this is what is going on. Needless to say things are awkward and we hardly speak anymore...a call for help has lead to more isolation. Then you meet someone, and they are amazing. Nothing physically happened, but it felt like my soul was finally at ease. What do I do, I push this person away...why...why drag someone you love through all this mess. A relationship I cannot escape from, why? Fear? Told my abuser a few months ago that I would rather d** then be with him. His response" that is fine, because I love you" I have had bruises everywhere, and no one has ever asked what happened, not even when I had stitches in my face. No one cares. No one offers to help.
When the kids do badly in a test, or forget about a project I am blamed. I am called names, threatened and pushed around. I get shouted and screamed out. When I say I cant anymore I want to leave him, I get told I am evil. The abuse is happening because i provoke him. I am soly responsible for paying all the bills, and when he does help pay a bill I am made to feel bad for not being able to pay all the bills. I pretend to be this strong independent women, that has her shit together. Meanwhile I am dying inside. I am lonely, scared, fearful for when the next out burst is going to happen. Why am I not enough, why isnt there someone who wants to protect me instead of hurt me. My dad abused us, my mom did nothing. Why do I have to go through this. I pray all the time asking God to show me a way and help me through this. What lesson am I supposed to learn out of this. That I am going to be alone, no friends, beaten up. Worthless.
Is this normal. Maybe this is love. I can't anymore, I dont know what to do. I want to leave him, but have no support system. I am alone. I am stuck. Forever.
Hey, golden! I can hear you feeling all the feels here. What you are experiencing is so tough, confusing, sad, lonely, painful. You deserve love, kindness, and respect. I can see in your message you do not like how you are being treated, and you may feel a bit lost. You seem like your sense are overloaded and you are only trying to get over the next time the show drops. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. While we here at 7 cups cannot give advice, sometimes, it does help to just chat about it and get it out. If you would like to send me a message, I would be honored to speak with you and support you, while you do.
@goldenHouse1548 you are not alone ! I’ve been through the same thing to where he constantly was cheating on me with different girls and I was so convinced I loved him but that’s not love. Don’t do anything without a plan obviously but you can do it! Make sure you have somewhere safe to stay away from him and you should be okay. You got this!
@goldenHouse1548 This is not love. Love doesn't tear you down, love doesn't hurt you physically. This isn't your fault. This isn't something that's wrong with you. This is something that's wrong with him and I'm afraid that it could only get worse. You said your father was abusive while she did nothing. Now the power is in your hands. Sometimes we have to be our own hero. This is a link for DV hotlines from different places, as I don't know where you're from. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines
You do not have to stay! These places will help you do the things you need to do. You'll have to be strong, I know you can do it. You do have worth, you've just heard too many harmful words from someone who's opinion of you doesn't matter, it tears away at you hearing those things time after time. Maybe God did send you someone to help show you the way. Sometimes angels come dressed as normal people. Please try to take care of yourself and try to be as safe as possible.
When a voice in your head is telling you that you deserve better, then this is it. You are the only one who knows exactly what it feels like to be with this person, don't be swayed by people who talk without knowing. If someone truly cares about you, they won't judge you. They will listen and wish the best for you. And this is clearly not the best you can get. I think you have unresolved trauma from the past when you say your father abused you and your mother did nothing. But that doesn't mean you have to do the same. Precisely because it is already a pattern that you already know very well, the truth is that you know what to do. You don't really need someone to tell you to leave this person. Your will is enough. I know it's not easy, but trust me, this isn't love. In your childhood this story was about your family, but now you are a full-fledged adult, you can make this decision on your own. If you endured this as a child, it doesn't mean you have to do it again. Stand up for yourself, know your worth. You are not a bad person, remember. You don't have to feel guilty. You have no faults, if not that of remaining in this abusive relationship.
