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goodRaspberries844
459 M Embraced 4
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2020 Member sinceJuly 26, 2020
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Depression + Breakup
Depression Support / by goodRaspberries844
Last post
 September 12th, 2020
...See more "A break-up does not cause self-loathing, it reveals it." Hello friend, I recently ended a relationship. This person was my whole world, we were best friends on top of being lovers, and he was really everything I wanted within a relationship. He took care of me. I had given up my life to be with him-- my job, my apartment, everything, to move away and be with him. A couple years into our relationship, he tells me a huge secret that is a dealbreaker for me. The trust was gone-- how can you say you truly love someone if you cannot be honest with them? It wasn't so much the secret that broke my heart, it was the fact he hid it for so long. I moved back home and have restart my life. Seeing couples that are happy and thriving makes me so envious. It was only after moving back have I realized how badly I wanted to be married, to have a stable relationship. I've been through so much in my life-- grief, trauma, losing lifelong friendships, and I don't understand why I can't have a strong relationship. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but every time I pass a wedding boutique and glance at the storefront window, I can't help but think, "When? When will it be me?" I'm also struggling with starting over. There is a quote, "If you coped before, you can cope again." I am trying so hard to figure out my career path and find a stable job, but my mental health has definitely been getting in the way of that. All I want to do lately is sleep. I don't want to do the job that I have experience with because I hate it so profoundly. And any other entry level job has 15 other applicants that are more well spoken or more experienced than I am. I don't have financial stability without him, at least, not right now. I realize now how much I did enjoy our old life together, how I want to live with him by the shore, but I cannot cope with the dishonesty wrapped up with selfishness. I called him recently and he seems to be doing perfectly fine with my absence, that hurts even more to know I am mourning and he is living his life just great. I hate this feeling, feeling like I'd rather be in someone else's shoes. I don't know how to move on or recover because this seems to be the straw that broke eveyrthing. Thank you for reading. Any advice is welcome.
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Only Surviving
Journals & Diaries / by goodRaspberries844
Last post
 September 8th, 2020
...See more Hello Reader, I have felt like most of my adult life I have struggled, and barely scraped by. I'm not sure where actually living starts and just getting by stops. Does anyone else have the same experience or feeling?
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