Depression + Breakup
"A break-up does not cause self-loathing, it reveals it."
Hello friend,
I recently ended a relationship. This person was my whole world, we were best friends on top of being lovers, and he was really everything I wanted within a relationship. He took care of me. I had given up my life to be with him-- my job, my apartment, everything, to move away and be with him. A couple years into our relationship, he tells me a huge secret that is a dealbreaker for me. The trust was gone-- how can you say you truly love someone if you cannot be honest with them? It wasn't so much the secret that broke my heart, it was the fact he hid it for so long.
I moved back home and have restart my life. Seeing couples that are happy and thriving makes me so envious. It was only after moving back have I realized how badly I wanted to be married, to have a stable relationship. I've been through so much in my life-- grief, trauma, losing lifelong friendships, and I don't understand why I can't have a strong relationship. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but every time I pass a wedding boutique and glance at the storefront window, I can't help but think, "When? When will it be me?"
I'm also struggling with starting over. There is a quote, "If you coped before, you can cope again." I am trying so hard to figure out my career path and find a stable job, but my mental health has definitely been getting in the way of that. All I want to do lately is sleep. I don't want to do the job that I have experience with because I hate it so profoundly. And any other entry level job has 15 other applicants that are more well spoken or more experienced than I am. I don't have financial stability without him, at least, not right now. I realize now how much I did enjoy our old life together, how I want to live with him by the shore, but I cannot cope with the dishonesty wrapped up with selfishness. I called him recently and he seems to be doing perfectly fine with my absence, that hurts even more to know I am mourning and he is living his life just great. I hate this feeling, feeling like I'd rather be in someone else's shoes. I don't know how to move on or recover because this seems to be the straw that broke eveyrthing.
Thank you for reading. Any advice is welcome.
@goodRaspberries844
I am so sorry to hear this. I really wish I had some advice, but all I can say it take it one day at a time. I know how frustrating it is to see other relationships thriving, while you are craving unconditional love. I am sorry about the trust and selfishness, just remember that is not a reflection on you. It is very valid to want to get married and have this wonderful life. Just take some deep breaths and give yourself some grace. You are worthy of respect. Hugs!
@goodRaspberries844
I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you! Unfortunately, I don't have any advice at the moment, but I really hope things get better for you (that sounds cheesy I know, but I mean it). It was really brave of you to come here and seek help, and to make this post. I hope you will have the courage to face your struggles as well.
Take care! 
@goodRaspberries844
Hello there. Firstly, thank you so much for making this post. I wonder how much pain you felt while even typing this. I want to tell you that yes your feelings are valid and whatever happened was very unpleasant. I can relate to breakup because recently i had one. I met with this human when i was in depression and they were the most significant person in my life. But moving on was indeed very very difficult for me. That's why I'd like to tell you that you are brave. You are doing good and just give yourself sometime to heal. Please don't rush to feel good so suddenly. It takes time to heal. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk about your situation. I am always here for you.
I would like to share a ted talk which always helped me and i wish it helps you too! 💕
Click here to watch the video.
No season lasts forever.. Winter will end amd eventually spring will arrive! 💕💕
