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grimes727
1,474 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts35 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2023 Member sinceAugust 13, 2023
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lost in the dark
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by grimes727
Last post
 August 15th, 2023
...See more i am unsure how to describe it. ive been living with this diagnosis of bipolar 1 for many years. ive struggled more the last 8 months than I have combined the previous years. im used to the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows of light and darkness. i just cant seem to get out of the dark. i am at an age where i want to start a family but am i capable to do so? im terrified of pregnancy and how i could maintain my medications. and even more uneasy about what kind of mother i will be as i continue to navigate my mind. i feel like my partner is going to leave me because of my emotions and because i havent made the next step of having children with him. its crazy how alone you can feel while your partner is next to you. im struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy, i cant hide it. my little sister looked at me the other day and said, “whats wrong sis? whats going on?” i just wanted to let it all out and all i could muster was “im just in a funk, its just lasting more than usual” im in a perpetual battle of moving and sitting still. i deferred my phd program which would have started next week. not sure what this post was intended for. i guess im grasping for some sort of connection and support. thanks for listening🤍
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