lost in the dark
i am unsure how to describe it. ive been living with this diagnosis of bipolar 1 for many years. ive struggled more the last 8 months than I have combined the previous years. im used to the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows of light and darkness. i just cant seem to get out of the dark.
i am at an age where i want to start a family but am i capable to do so? im terrified of pregnancy and how i could maintain my medications. and even more uneasy about what kind of mother i will be as i continue to navigate my mind. i feel like my partner is going to leave me because of my emotions and because i havent made the next step of having children with him. its crazy how alone you can feel while your partner is next to you.
im struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy, i cant hide it. my little sister looked at me the other day and said, “whats wrong sis? whats going on?” i just wanted to let it all out and all i could muster was “im just in a funk, its just lasting more than usual”
im in a perpetual battle of moving and sitting still. i deferred my phd program which would have started next week. not sure what this post was intended for. i guess im grasping for some sort of connection and support. thanks for listening🤍
@grimes727
It sounds like these past 8 months have been especially tough for you, and I can only imagine how exhausting it must be to constantly battle the ups and downs. I understand that you're at a point in your life where you're thinking about starting a family, but you're worried about how your diagnosis and medications would affect that. I think it's important to have open conversations with your healthcare provider to explore your options and find the best path forward. Mental health can be a tough thing to navigate, and it's not always easy for others to fully understand what you're going through. It's okay to not have all the answers right now. Sometimes, taking a step back and deferring other plans, like your PhD program, can be the best thing for your well-being. Focus on taking care of yourself and finding stability first.