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hardworkingBlueberry21
1 259 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2020 Member sinceJuly 14, 2019
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17.July
Depression Support / by hardworkingBlueberry21
Last post
 July 18th, 2019
...See more Hi, today is my birthday and I wish I didn't wake up at all. Yesterday I had the worst sleep of this year. For the first time, I didn't get excited for my birthday. I didn't chose any clothes nor do my hair etc. For the first time, it is cold outside. Maybe it will rain... For the first time, only 2 people "messaged". No one called. Not even my father. My mother didn't say let's do something together, she wanted me to go my faculty and study. I don't know if anyone can give me advice about this but anyways.
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I don't really know what to write here
Depression Support / by hardworkingBlueberry21
Last post
 July 14th, 2019
...See more Hi I just wanted to let my monster out to the world, behind a nickname. I will shortly introduce myself: I will be 21 years old soon. (Like in 3 days, will be in my room crying my heart) They say I am one of those "cool kids" and I don't know why. I don't have many friends and I feel i am the most awkward person when i am talking with literally anyone. I can't say I am hard working but I have been "smart" enough to study for some important exams so I am in an education path that many would envy. If you have read "me in a nutshell part" so far, thank you. I have became so fragile in life that any small mistake that has been made by a friend made me feel angry and hurt. I keep those feelings inside, no worries. I feel like I am alone and I am a crying snob over nothing. I am afraid to speak anyone because I know in the end I will be hurt. Everyone believes I am over the clouds with my high educational dreams but in reality I am just crying in shower, sleeping 12 hours a day, playing games for hours and not leaving home. Literally all my classmates are crying because they are studying for make up exams but I wish I failed one of my lessons so I would have something to hold on, and not think about myself&life. I have no real friends around me and it is killing me. Why I keep my hard work when in the end I am not capable of achieving social activities? Even when I make friends, they use me and leave. I just want to believe the image they created for me... "Smart kid that will achieve many" But I see myself crying in my thirties and feeling alone. Oh, and everyone is having a summer holiday but I am stuck in my home and never leave it because I don't have the money nor people. I have a family but I feel like they don't even try to understand me. Only thing matters for them is getting my diploma, but not accepting that I am a person and have my freedom. And yes, I have spoken about that with them.
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