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helloGlobe2761
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2018 Member sinceJanuary 23, 2018
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My BPD girlfriend
Personality Disorders Support / by helloGlobe2761
Last post
 July 17th, 2018
...See more Hi everyone, I've been in a relationship with a girl for 5.5 years now. She had always been rather quick to anger, but about 2 years in August ago a family matter happened and she started getting really depressed. At that same time we started sharing a dorm. Due to her depression she didn't go to classes very often, spending most of her time sleeping or scrolling through the internet in her room. When I got back from classes we would often fight about petty things, often blaming me for everything that was going wrong. I confided in a classmate, thinking I needed some female advice in the matter. Through our discussions we grew to like each other, but we both knew things could not work out between us. My girlfriend found out I had been talking to another girl and said this was the reason she had been depressed and how I was ruining her chances for education. December came around and I tried breaking up with my girlfriend to which she started begging me not to leave and saying that if I did she'd jump out of the window. She had cut herself before when we gotten into arguements, showing me bloody tissues afterwards say that I caused that, so I took her thread serious. I said I'd give her another chance but she'd have to find help to get out of her depression. She went to 2 meetings with a therapist but stopped afterwards claiming it was not helping a all. A couple of months continued to go by with ups and downs and it is August again. No progress has been made really and we are stuck in this pattern of fighting and making up again. It becomes too much for me and I go to a psychiatrist myself, who told me she is probably has borderline personality disorder. The book he gave me to read with some testimonies sounded eerily familiar. After a big fight where clothes were ripped I forced her to talk to the psychiatrist. She went once and it became just another arrow in er quiver of things I had forced her to do and how according to her I manipulated her into thinking she was crazy. More bumpy months and it is February and I leave for 4 months to study abroad. In this time we have been fighting more and she made statements about how I was a wasted investment because she did not sign up for a long distance relationship. There have also been a couple more suicide threats but every time I suggest she seeks help she says 'I don't need help I just need you to love me and then things will be fine again.'. It is now a week before I return home and I do not know what do do anymore. She has hurt me so many times that I feel nothing anymore, it even hurts me to admit that whenever she gets upset it annoys me and that I feel disgusted when she calls me handsome right after a fight. I feel emotionally depleted and at this point self harm or worse have crossed my mind several times. I know I will never be the person she wants me to be, but she built her world in such a way these last years that it seems as if I am the only thing remotely holding her together. This relation is not good for either of us, but I am too scared of the consequences to just cut ties. Sorry for the long post but I am at wits end and need some advice. I know she its not her fault she is this destructive and that she needs help but I cannot force her to seek help if she is convinced that she does not need any. I'm just afraid that no matter what this will end badly/terminally for either of us. What can I do to deal with this?
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