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helloMango4642
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PathStep 5 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceMay 18, 2021
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Can a liar ever truly change if they are trying, (lies of past).
Relationship Stress / by helloMango4642
Last post
 June 1st, 2021
...See more I have posted here before about my fiancé lying to me about his sexual past. He had told me he slept with two girls, but I met a girl by chance who told me she was also with him, and he then admitted he had been lying for 2-3 years and actually there were 10 girls he slept with and not 2. He made me feel guilty about the one guy I slept with because he was jealous. Throughout the relationship I had asked him 100-200 times about his past due to my own jealousy and he stuck to his story. Now that the truth is out, he is so willing to change, he is seeking therapy, couples therapy, he is ridding himself of ego etc. He is distraught and doesn’t want to lose us, but I am concerned if a liar can truly change? Will he just lie again to cover up any difficult truths? I also am concerned about one day marrying him and not being able to fully forgive for the lies and see him a a new man. I want to feel joy on my wedding day and look at a man I respect. I love him truly. Thank you kind souls!
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Lies of sexual past uncovered by accident :(
Relationship Stress / by helloMango4642
Last post
 May 24th, 2021
...See more I met my now fiancé 2 and a half years ago. We met and fell in love very quickly and intensely. I had only had sex once before and he had more of a colourful past. We both come from a conservative culture and I always believed sex should be with one you love. I regretted my past experiences. He had slept with two girls and said 8 other sexual experiences. I found this really hard to understand and accept. We slept together after 3 months and he reassured me that he hasn’t had sex in 3 years and he changed his ways of meaningless hookups. So I felt that we had both waited so I agreed to have sex. Throughout the relationship we had arguments where I couldn’t accept his past and he also was jealous of mine. He used to make me feel bad of my past even though there was far less. He told me all the details and specifics and stuck to his numbers. He always made one thing clear - he hated liars and has always been honest with me. Fast forward to two and a half years and an engagement later. I met a girl who told me that she had in fact been with him. He used her for sex and had a relationship with her with no intention of marriage but she was led to believe he was serious. He kept the relationship up for sex. She took revenge and told his conservative parents and made his life hell. When I told him what I had found out, he then admitted he had been lying about his whole past all along. That instead of sleeping with two women, he had slept with 10. He said he had been lying because he was ashamed and didn’t want to lose me. He claims his anger about my past and not believing that I was telling the truth was a projection from him. He is on his knees and claiming he will change and never meant to hurt me. He is very broken and willing to do anything to save our relationship. His actions are also proving to be. He is showing change and treating me better in all aspects since. Bear in mind we did love each other a lot despite the past that kept coming up. How do I forgive him? How do I get over the moral mismatch? That he spent 8 years hooking up with girls and specifically asking for only casual sex, and I only ever wanted sex for love? Please help :(
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